Yellow

I never intended to get controversial with this blog.  I don't like confrontation or bad news. In fact, I rarely watch the news at all in effort to avoid the bad news that will inevitably be reported. It's not that I want to be ignorant or that I don't care.  I care very much...it's just that things seem to be so bad out there that it's hard not to revisit the whole let's-scoop-up-the-kids-and-move-to-the country thing.  Or to a cave. Maybe an underground shelter.  You get the picture.

What I'm trying to say is that all too often I want so badly to shelter my children from all the bad stuff in the world, to avoid what's hard, what's messy, what's difficult to explain or even understand, that I lose sight of the very reason we are here.  And for a short amount of time, I'm able to convince myself that this is okay.  That I'm justified, because it's a dangerous world out there.

As a mom who is also a Christian, there is a constant battle in my heart.  The battle between living in the world and being of the world. I've been looking hard at myself lately. Looking hard at our family of 5, and wondering if we are doing anything at all that is making any kind of difference, and I know in my heart that I am toeing the "in" line and failing miserably at avoiding the "of" line.  So as much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure that we look like any other family out there, chasing the American dream, with the only possible difference being that we might go to church more often than some people.

This revelation disturbs me.

*Warning:  this is where things might start to get a bit sticky.*

Over the years, I've listened and observed (whether in person, through facebook comments, etc.) to some interesting conversations between moms. These conversations are about all kinds of things....play dates, snack foods, nap times, when to call the doctor, etc. Lots of helpful advice being passed around, leaving me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside because of the love that these moms were sharing.

Sometimes the topic would turn to television, which shows their kids were allowed to watch, which were not allowed, and it was almost always a given that SpongeBob would come up. And I would listen.  And I would (by some God-given miracle) keep my mouth shut.

It really is remarkable when that happens. ;)

But I thought it was important to keep quiet for two reasons:

#1- It's none of my business what shows their kids watch, and we have plenty of rules about that in our house too.  As my mom often says, "to each their own."

#2- I don't think SpongeBob is a problem. In fact....I think he's hilarious.

But because of reason #1 for keeping my mouth shut, I didn't speak out about reason #2.  See my problem? (picture me cringing while I picture you reading this, waiting for the shocked expressions, gasps, etc.

It's okay....I can handle it....I think;)

Let me explain.

I've watched several episodes of this show, (so many, sadly, that I can quote it....and often do.  Right now my kids think that's cool.  They won't always.) and this is what I've seen: SpongeBob is kind to others, even when others are not kind to him.  He's a hard worker, always showing up to work on time, and often staying late to get the job done.  He's a loyal friend.  He's creative and has an incredible imagination. He's funny, and really fun to hang out with. He has unending  perseverance....I'm starting to wonder if the poor guy is ever going to get his boating license. But he never gives up.  Ever. And if there ever is an episode where he finally does get his license, I'm pretty sure I'll be watching earnestly from the couch, tears in my eyes, celebrating right along with him. ;) Maybe you think I'm opening up a whole new can of crazy, 

but I don't see anything bad about these things.

Are there "questionable" episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants?  Maybe. We try to skip those. Do they say words like "stupid" and "shut up"? Yes. Are we allowed to use those words in our house?  Nope. Or to clarify further, we don't call people stupid.  We say things are stupid if necessary...because some things just are. ;) That's not the point.  When I watch the show, I see a guy (sponge, whatever) going through life, doing the best he can. And I like to think that when our boys see SpongeBob being kind to someone who has been mean to him, that something is registering with them.  And then the boys and I talk about how the mean guy acted, and why that's wrong.  And how it is probably really hard for SpongeBob to be nice in return, but that is how we should be too. And you know what?  I think they get it.

My goal with this post is not to convince you to let your kids watch SpongeBob.  It doesn't make a bit of difference to me if they do or not.  I just worry that if we're so concerned with shielding our children from everything that has the slightest bit of anything that could be bad or offensive in it that they're going to be so sheltered they won't know how to handle mean people, or disappointments, or anything else that's not sunny and happy. By no means does that mean I let them watch anything they want so we can make it a "life lesson."  Age-appropriate television only. Just ask Harrison, who just turned 11 and spends way too much time begging us to let him watch a PG-13 movie. 

Our response? 

"Ask us again when you're 13."  We're lame like that. ;)

Where was I?  Ah yes....the in, not of thing. My husband is a pastor at a church.  Our kids go to Christian schools.  Most of our friends are Christians. And while, of course, all of these things are good, great even, I can't help but wonder how we're ever going to help change the world, to be love and encouragement to those who don't know Christ, to point others to Him, if we never spend any time with those people. If we don't bust out of this comfortable, happy bubble where everything is easy.  And if I'm not doing that, how in the world can I expect my kids to do it?  And while I crave spending time with other Christian friends, to love on and encourage each other (we need that), I long to have a heart who craves spending time with people who think that maybe something is missing in their life, who hopefully see that Something in me.

I've spent time praying about all of this, and I feel God is telling me that's it's time for us to step out in faith a bit. Or a lot. To spend less time worrying about what we might see or hear or are exposing our kids to, and more time out there being light, and love, and encouragement. Protecting them the very best we can, keeping them safe, loved, but also teaching them to love others.  The ones that aren't exactly loveable. To lead by example rather than follow what's wrong.

This isn't a new concept.  We have example after example of this, with Jesus being the ultimate example.

I don't want to be looked at as judgey and narrow-minded. I don't want to come across as one who thinks I'm better, or holier, or more godly than somebody else.  That's not my heart, but I cringe thinking about how I may look exactly like that.  Not to the ones who know me well, but the ones who don't.  Who just have watched from a distance.

So you may not think things have gotten controversial with this post. I agree....they haven't really. But they're about to. I'm being challenged daily about what I believe, and why I believe it.This heart is changing.  I'm tired of looking around at the world and the way Christians are being portrayed (and sometimes, if not often, rightfully so) and I'm officially done. It's time for a change. A big one.

More to come.

PS~ Why is this post called "Yellow", you ask?

Yes, because SpongeBob is yellow...

but so are chickens,

and I'm tired of being one.

Perception

First of all, thank you for indulging me this week as we celebrated two of our guys' birthdays.

Hunter's Lego Star Wars party yesterday was fun....thought I would share
a family pic of all of us in our Star Wars shirts.  The things I do for these boys. ;).

Thankfully Harrison's shirt fit me.

Harrison's Airsoft Camo party is next Friday. 

I will be sleeping in next Saturday. ;)

Now it's time to get back to business.

After the second post last week, I received a comment from a reader about how refreshing it was to know that I, a minister's wife, haven't finished a Beth Moore Bible study.
And now, out of the respect and love I have for Beth Moore, let me reiterate once again that it's NOT because I don't love her studies.  They are amazing...life changing. 

It's me and my scatterbrained, undisciplined self that is the problem.) 

I found it interesting that out of all that was written, this part stuck with her.

And then another reader appreciated that I admitted that I'm behind in the boys' scrapbooks.
Girls...you have no idea.

Then later in the week I read this post from one of my new favorite blogs called Momastery.

This mom is about as real and hilarious as a girl can get.  I would LoVe to meet her...partly because she seems like lots of fun, and partly because she totally gets it.  I love her honesty, her testimony, and how she is taking her difficult past and using it for good~ namely, help others to get through their hard stuff.

Source: etsy.com via Liz on Pinterest

So, with all this evidence, I started to notice a theme here:
Seems to me that there are a lot of moms wandering around,
muddling through the day-to-day stuff,
feeling like a hot mess,

thinking that all the other moms have it all together.

Anyone out there relate to this?

I know I certainly do.

Not a day goes by that I don't question a parenting decision I've made.
I worry if I'm being to hard on the boys, and they're going to resent me.
I worry that I'm not being hard enough on them, and they're going to become lazy, irresponsible adults.
Am I creating a fun, happy home for them, or am I too concerned with messes and loudness?
Are they involved in enough after school activities? Do they have enough time to just be kids?
I wonder if they are eating well enough, if I'm cooking healthy enough, if the foods they are eating are safe, if our budget can handle going completely organic, and in a few crazy-mom-guilt-fueled moments, I've seriously considered the possibility of scooping them up, moving to the country,
living off the land, and homeschooling them.

And then I come back to reality.
Because as much as I would love to keep them in a happy little farm-fed bubble, shielded from toxins, hectic schedules, and bullies....that's not the right thing for us right now.  For us.
Not to say it's not right for lots of other people.

That's the thing here....what's right for you may not be what's right for me.
And what's right for me may not be right for you.
And that's okay.
If God had created us all the same, with the same dreams, goals, hopes, and convictions,
life sure wouldn't be nearly as fun and interesting as it is, would it?

I look at myself and see so many things I wish were different.
I don't get out and walk/run as much as I should.
My quiet times are hit or miss these days.
My hair has way too much gray in it for being 34 years old. ;)
My baseboards need to be cleaner.
I miss my pre-babies tummy, and feel certain there aren't enough crunches in the world to get it back.
The condition of my stomach is so the least of my worries when compared to the love I have for my boys, but I don't really consider my stretch marks to be a trophy like some other moms might.
Maybe someday I won't care....or I'll pay some genius plastic surgeon to fix it. ;)
Really not important in the grand scheme of things, but it's the truth.

And I watch other moms, whether I'm at one of the boys' schools or out shopping, or at church,
and it's really hard not to compare myself to them.
It's amazing how I can go from feeling put together and fabulous one second,
and then frumpy and old the next.
And I figure that's probably normal, but it honestly never occurred to me that there are women out there who might be comparing themselves to me until I read those comments last week.

 

I'm sorry...what?

 I picture them picturing me as a put-together girl who's house is always clean, who prepares healthy delicious snacks for the boys after school each day and amazingly complicated meals each night; whose nails are always manicured, toenails are never chipped, works out every day, wakes up with the sun each morning to have her quiet time; has each child's scrapbook completely up-to-date at the end of every month; whose laundry never piles up and ironing basket is virtually empty (that one's really funny); planning fun games and activities for our afternoons and Saturdays, etc. etc. I picture that....and I laugh.

Couple that with the added pressure of being in a minister's wife role.

*gulp*

Now, I'm going to talk about the minister's wife thing more in a later post.

For now I'll just say that I realize the expectations are higher, and I agree they should be. 

Doesn't mean it doesn't overwhelm or scare me, but I understand and expect it.

But as far as the normal girl/mom stuff goes?

Crazy.

There's no reason to put this much pressure on each other.
Truth is....some of us have it together a little better than others.
Some of us are really good at keeping the stuff of life in order.
Others of us are really good at playing with our kids and allowing ourselves to live in the moment.
None of us are good at all of it all the time.
But I think that if we could stop worrying so much about what we're not doing right and be thankful for the stuff that we are managing to do right, then we're going to be okay.
At the end of the day, when I'm reading to the boys and tucking them in, and they throw those sweet little arms around me, kiss me, and tell me how much they love me....I know.

I know that we're good.
Not perfect...but good.
They are happy.
They are secure and safe.
Their tummies are full.
They are clean (most of the time;) and are cozied into their warm beds.
Life is good....enjoy it, and please....
try to just soak up the small stuff, because it's all the small stuff that adds up to one big happy life. :)

11

Today my oldest baby is eleven.

Now he needs to take off a shoe and sock to show how old he is....10 fingers is no longer enough.

We are in full swing birthday mode this week, celebrating two very special guys in our family.

Because each of them, their birth stories, their lives are unique I try to make sure they each get their "day."

Not gonna lie~ by the end of this week I'm wiped out.  ;)  

No big deal....partyin' birthday-style is fun, and it's not their fault that their birthdays fall back-to-back like they do.  I've told them enough that I tried really hard to go past Hunter's February 2 due date, happily willing to get as far into February as possible in effort to give us a different month to celebrate a birthday in.  But Hunter had other plans, and thankfully, Harrison is happy to share the week. :)

I think about that January day in 2001, and how thanks to all the drugs and a scary NICU experience....a lot of the details of his birth are a blur. However, there are certain things I will never forget:

He was beautiful.

He hardly (if at all) cried.

He gave me a love I didn't know I had the capacity to carry.

He made me a mom....my lifelong dream. :)

Together, he and I began a journey....the journey of a mother and her son.

It's a special relationship....it was unchartered territory for me.  Both the mom part, and the boy part. But there was something I learned really quickly....there is magic between a mom and her son.  

An understanding. A love that he showed me, that I instantly knew was unique to us.

The love a boy has for his mama is like no other. 

And I am crazy-in-love as well. :)

And so began our journey....he taking on the role of guinea pig without complaint.

Me, the inexperienced mom, who was determined to get it right, but messed up plenty. 

Bless his heart.;)

Harrison is an old soul.

He understands things I don't expect a kid his age to understand.

His eyes are green, like his dad's. And mine.

He has a contagious smile.

He's a heck of a baseball player, and I'm not sure which one of us is

more excited about this season coming up. :)

He loves to read, and thankfully...he still loves to let me read to him.

Last night we started the Narnia series, after finishing the 

Little House on the Prairie series for the second time.

I wonder if/when he's not going to want me to read to him anymore, 

so I'm going to soak it up in the meantime.

 I couldn't ask for a better kid.

Thankful for how much fun we have together, especially when it's just me and him.

And I love watching him be a big brother....he has a huge heart, and loves Hud and Hunter so much.  

And they think he's the greatest thing ever...makes my heart happy.

 As we continue on towards the preteen and teen years, I worry about how to change my parenting ways.  Is it going to embarrass him if I kiss him in front of his friends?

(Don't really care if it does....that just builds character, right? ;)

As he begins to take on more responsibility, pulls for more freedom, starts spending more and more time with his friends, I hope I'll somehow be able to let him spread his wings.

But I can't promise there won't be a rope tied around his ankle. ;)

Crazy-mad-nuts about this kid...Happy birthday Harrison!

I'm Sorry....He's How Old?!?

 There's this little guy who lives in our house.

Tomorrow, he's going to be five.

Five.

How in the world is my baby five years old?

As much as I love a birthday (LOVE)....not gonna lie~

I'm struggling with this one.

Don't get me wrong....I'm so happy and thankful to be celebrating another year with our youngest.

There is much to celebrate, and we plan to party all week. :)

Here we are the minute after I first laid eyes on him.

It felt like I had known him my entire life, and just like it did with his brothers, my heart grew bigger to accommodate this new love that God had so graciously placed in my arms...in my life.

I was smitten....and in the moment this pic was taken, thinking that he was amazing just for the simple fact that he entered this world so very quickly and easily. I quite literally sneezed him out.

I highly recommend that kind of delivery. ;)

In a flash he went from a dream to a reality. And in a flash I fell completely in love....with his tiny 6 pound, 13 ounce body, his sweet chin dimple, his gorgeous blue eyes, his monkey toes. The perfect amount of hair that had already grown on his delicious-smelling head. Smitten.

 Flash forward 5 years. Emphasis on the "flash forward" part, because, boy....it went fast.

 His beautiful blue eyes have turned to a glistening green.

He's still rockin' that chin dimple, but now he also likes to rock out on his guitar.

He's still the tiniest of the three (for his age, compared to where H1 and H2 were), 

now weighing 44 pounds and measuring almost 44 inches.
He has really great hair. ;)  His head still smells delicious.

And yes....I'm still smitten.

He's hilarious and headstrong.

He's sweet and caring.

He's obsessed with Star Wars.  Obsessed.

He loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate milk.

Cheetos and cake.

Blueberries and yogurt.

Legos are his go-to toys these days, and he's rarely found without a lego guy in his hand. Or his pocket.

He loves preschool, and thanks to Mrs. Cathy and Mrs. Laura, 

has decided that writing letters and drawing pictures is lots of fun after all.

He's really excited about being 5, mostly because when you're 5 you get to

stop taking naps and start going to kindergarten.

*double gulp*

I've been thinking a lot about why I'm having such a hard time with this birthday.

I promise I don't intend to be all melodramatic about it....I mean, it's not about me anyway.

Five is one of those birthdays that have an impact, probably because it marks the end of some things, the beginning of so many others.  I reacted in a similar way when Harrison and Hud each turned 5, so this is nothing new. But this time, it's the last time we will be celebrating 5. The official end of the baby years. The beginning of school, loose teeth, bikes without training wheels, and the tying of shoes. 

The first bigger steps towards independence.

For almost 11 years I've had a baby in the house. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a degree of panic when I start to think about what next year is going to be like with all three of them being in school.  All day.

There's a part of me that is a little excited.  Time to....myself?  What does that mean, exactly? My house will be so clean....but so quiet.  I'll have time to formulate organized thoughts.  And sentences.  Huh.  The preschool shows I've spent so many years watching on tv will be replaced with things like The Today Show and The View. Or I'll get caught up on my dvr for this first time in a long time. I'll probably join the gym or start a yoga class somewhere. Of course, I'll get more involved at the boys' school.  Maybe I'll actually start my master's degree. I'll have time to get a pedicure, to shop a little without interruptions.

But what will I want to do, you ask? I'll want to go back to how things were.  To spend my days playing with my boys like we did when they were little and our biggest decision was what to have for lunch, or if we should play outside before nap or after nap.  To go back to the crazy.  The chaos.  The ridiculous loudness.

What could make me crazy on a day-to-day basis then is sounding absolutely perfect today.

I know they need me just as much (and in some ways, even more) now that they are getting older as they did when they were little.  I will come to treasure even more the hours after school while we work on homework, cook dinner, get caught up on their days. And hey....let's face it.  Some days I will laugh at the afternoon crazy and realize that the quiet days are kind of nice sometimes. ;)

I will long to slow down time as much as I can, in effort to keep them babies as long as possible.  I will try to be wise in letting them grow up as well.  I will hug and kiss and tell them how crazy I am about them on a daily basis.  I will encourage their independence. I will fight for them.  I will live in the moment with them. 

I will probably embarrass them in front of their friends.  

I will pay for their therapy.

Happy 5th birthday to Hunter.  I'm so happy to call him my baby boy.

Love him to the moon and back, one bazillion times.

Bossypants

Growing up, I was the oldest of three girls.

A typical oldest child, I was (am?) a pleaser, a perfectionist, and admittedly....

...a little bossy. ;)

I tried really hard to reel in my bossy tendencies.  Really hard. And honestly, I didn't really think I was being bossy.  I really thought I just knew what was best, and wanted to help others see that. ;)  Thankfully for those around me, I was also a pretty shy child, until you really knew me well.  So most people didn't have to listen to me share what I thought they should be doing differently and exactly why they should be doing it differently. Unfortunately, those who did know me well (namely, my sisters) received way more "instruction" than they probably cared to. Fortunately for my sisters, they were both incredibly headstrong, and didn't put up with my bossy ways much.

Any time I watch a tv show or movie, I try to figure out which character I relate the most to...don't know why...guess I'm kind of a nerd like that. :)
For example, with "Friends" it's a mix of Monica and Rachel....but mostly Monica.
On Beverly Hills, 90210 (the REAL one from the 90's)  it was always Kelly.
On Grey's Anatomy....Meredith.
The Brady Bunch? Jan.
I Love Lucy? Ethel....even though I wanted it to be Lucy real bad.

But unfortunately with Peanuts....that time it was Lucy.
Lucy is bossy, and really thinks she knows everything.
She even set up this advice booth for her friends to stop by and get help when they needed it.
I'm too much of a pleaser (and think kindness is too incredibly important)
to be as mean as she ever was, but still,
the similarities are there.

However, I would argue that every once in awhile, Lucy had moments of genius.

This is a perfect example. ;)

In college I majored in Family Psychology and Social Work.  I wanted to help people, by either working for an adoption agency or at a counseling center, and I also thought the Family Psych degree would help me be a better wife and mother. I had planned to pursue my master's degree in either Social Work or Counseling after graduation.  But instead I got married my junior year, and then became anxious to get on with life, and put my plans for a Master's Degree on the back burner.

Then, 2 and a half years after graduation, I became a mom.

Finally, a chance to practice all I learned in college, mixed with the stuff that was already "in" me, the maternal instinct that I was supposedly born with.  I loved babies, kids, etc. and was so happy to have one of my own.  I was 23 when Harrison was born. I thought I knew a lot.....but I was so clueless.

Honestly, a lot of stuff in the beginning came somewhat naturally. Harrison and I were so very in tune with each other.  He was a very easy baby~ happy and sweet and lots of fun almost all of the time. Didn't cry much at all. He was a great eater~ nursed when he was with me, easily took a bottle from B or my mom when I was at work. After he turned one, we took away his bottle, which I thought would be a nightmare.  It wasn't. As he got older he was eager to try new foods. He wasn't the best sleeper, 

but his dad was really good at getting him down for the night, so we made a good team.

He was my little buddy, and I thought I had this mom stuff down.

And then....he turned 3. :)

Admittedly, I was also pregnant with our second son, Hudson, at the time, so I was out of sorts, dealing with morning sickness, and I was extremely over-sensitive.  Eight years later, my family still talks about it...and shudders. ;) So for all I know, I'm to blame for the sudden surge in "know-it-all-ness" that suddenly possessed my usually-easy-oldest-born. Or maybe he was already launching into oldest child-mode before his little brother had even made his debut. Who knows?

All I did know was that I had most definitely met my match. ;)

Harrison (now 10) is happy, funny, super smart, kindhearted, and thoughtful.

We have a total blast together....we share a love for movies, television, music, and books, 

 and I still read to him every night.  Don't see that stopping anytime soon.

 

I often say he's the smarter, more-outgoing, male version of me.

Unfortunately, he also inherited the bossy side of me as well.  And the know-it-all stuff.  Maybe it's genetics.  Maybe it's birth order.  Maybe it's both. But the older he gets, the more I realize how hard it is sometimes to be a mom.  To try to correct the very things that you see in yourself and are trying to change. I thought it would be easier to parent the one(s) who were more like me.  I was wrong. Don't misunderstand me~ for every one thing that makes him difficult, there are 10 things that make him wonderful.  I worry that in my effort to correct the things I see in him that I also see in myself and want to change that I'm being too hard on him. So each day I try to focus on all the things he does so well....and gently remind him when he needs correction.  Celebrating all the things that make him my amazingly wonderful, incredibly loved firstborn son. Trusting that someday he will meet, fall in love with, and marry a girl who is the complete opposite of him, just like his dad and I are.

And then go on to become the dad of a little one just like him. ;)

Purpose

Ok, confession time.

Last night when I finished typing up the "Changes" post, I really wasn't expecting much feedback. My humble little blog doesn't get much traffic, and I've always been okay with that.  I mean, while I firmly believe I have the 3 most darling, smartest, amazing kids on the planet that everyone should want to read about, I completely understand that you may disagree, firmly believing that you are actually the one who has the most darling, smartest, amazing kid(s) on the planet that everyone should want to read about.

It's a pointless argument, so I'm not going to waste any time on it. As I said last night, this blog began as a way to record our family's memories to share with family and close friends who want to keep up with what's going on here. It was also intended as a point of reference so that when I go back to scrapbook them later I don't have to rely on memory. That, my friends, would be disastrous.

My memory isn't what it used to be, and I fully blame my darling children for that. :)

Where was I going with this?  I don't remember.

Oh, yes...confession time.

The response to last night's post surprised me. While it was by no means a huge response by "celebrity blogger" standards, it was a start.  Enough of a start to confirm what I feel God has been nudging me about....that I need to use this blog as a voice of encouragement. That you who read this blog are feeling similar rumblings, are seeking more, are looking for validation and encouragement as you raise your children. It's a scary world out there, but it's the one we live in.

I started reading the comments on the blog and on FB....and I got a little panicked.

What if I don't meet their expectations?

What ARE their expectations?

What if I fail?

Where in the world does God want me to go with this?

 So I turned off the computer, put my phone on the charger, and got in bed.

And I prayed...asking God to show me, one blog post at a time, exactly what He wants me to share with you. And I chilled out considerably, thankful for my Jesus who has a calming effect on me. He's really good at reeling me back in. :)  My hope through all of this is to make Him more famous through our story. To show people who read this blog that there's WAY more to this life than just making it through another day, another endless pile of laundry, another trash bag full of dirty diapers. When He made us mothers, He entrusted us with His greatest creations.  That's HUGE, people.

The truth is, I love being a mom. It's the only thing I feel like I was made to do.  According to my dad, I've been a mother since my sister, Reagan, was born when I was 2. Poor kid. ;) I'm sure she and my other sister, Beth, didn't always appreciate my need to mother them.  I mean, they already had a mom, and she was really good at it. But I couldn't help it. So you can imagine how utterly thrilled I was on that January day in 2001 when I became a mom to my very own (that I had to share with my husband;) baby boy.  I had found my calling. :) But with that calling came great responsibility.

This was a little person that B and I were SOLELY responsible for. 

*gulp*

That scared the crap out of me.  Still does....almost 11 years later. ;)

And since I'm all about being honest and transparent here, let me say this:  I MESS UP ALL THE TIME. I've had to apologize to my kids way more than I'd like to admit.  

I've gotten frustrated with their endless trails of shoes, clothes, toys, and snack wrappers.

I've let them watch more tv than they probably need to (yes, even SpongeBob. The horror;)

I've stepped on more Legos and Hot Wheels than I care to count.

I've had more "head-spinning, crazy mom" moments than I want to remember.

I've yelled when I should have talked quietly and carefully.

Thankfully, and mercifully, God has made children incredibly forgiving. And forgetful.

And I know without a doubt that my boys love me almost as much as I love them,

even though we often debate who loves who more. :)
What can I say?  It's a love fest.

I've renamed this blog "The Mommy Revelation" because I believe the moms of this generation are thinking differently.  And that is good. We're waking up and realizing that it's time for something different. The world we lived in as kids is completely different from the one our kids are living in today. I'm not okay with the constant comparisons, the feelings of failure, the ongoing competition that moms have between each other, and the resulting pressures that often get projected onto our children.

Let this be your safe place. A place to rejoice in our awesome mom moments, to regroup after our not-so-awesome mom moments, to encourage and build each other up.  Some of my posts will be lighthearted and funny.  Some will be more serious and purpose-driven. I've enabled the comment feed option for each post so that not only can I answer a question or make a comment, but you can talk to each other as well.

I'm excited....more to come

Changes

I've been blogging for awhile. And like just about everything I decide to start, I'm usually one of the last who decides to jump on the bandwagon.  In 1995 when I was about to head off to college, I talked to a dear childhood friend named Kelly who was going to a different college. She told me that we could email to keep in touch.  My thoughts went like this, "Email? Yeah, that's never going to take off." I guess I was wrong. ;) I've had similar opinions about capri pants, flip flops, and texting.  And while I no longer wear capri pants because they make my short legs look even shorter, I've been way off base about the other things.  At the first hint of Spring you'll find me in flip flops. Texting?  Not sure how I made it without it, although I still prefer phone conversations.  Or even better? Real, live face time.  I didn't think this whole blogging thing would ever stick...at least as far as I was concerned.  I'm kind of a quitter....not in every way, thankfully, but in plenty of other, not-as-important ways.  I no longer make New Year's resolutions.  Life's hard enough without setting yourself up for failure. ;) I'm so ADD at times that I start projects that never get finished, start books I don't finish reading, start watching tv shows, then lose interest. I've given up Diet Cokes more times than I can count. I have yet to finish a Beth Moore Bible study, and absolutely not because I didn't like them.  I LOVED them, craved what I was learning, couldn't wait until the next week's lesson. So I can't even begin to tell you why I stopped. Every time. I probably need therapy. 

Not proud of myself.  At all. But I promise that when it comes to my relationship with God, I'm not a quitter. More on that later. :)

And when it comes to my family, I'm all in. Hard core. However, there are some nights when I spend way more time in the bathtub than a person probably should, recovering from a particularly exhausting day of raising three boys.  Pruney doesn't even begin to cover it. ;) But after a bath and a good night's sleep, I'm good to go, ready for another day of crazy. And laughs. And love. And chaos.  It's what we do. :)

I started blogging when our youngest, Hunter, was an infant. It took 3 kiddos to make me realize that I was indeed not Superwoman.  It took that 3rd one to humble me and make me see that I can't do it all.  At least not well. When he was born I was teaching scrapbooking classes at a store that I loved.  I was telling the ladies each week in my classes how important it was, and giving them all kinds of tips on how to stay current in their albums, all the while my boys' albums were sitting at home, collecting dust.  I know, I'm a hypocrite....but not on purpose. It was not because I didn't care or didn't want to scrapbook anymore....not at all.  I loved it then, I still do today.  But I found that keeping up with three scrapbooks each year was consuming way more time than I was willing to give up...at least to do it they way I wanted it done.

So.

I accepted the fact that I had entered a crazy-busy stage of life, knowing it wouldn't last forever. I was a minster's wife, a full-time mom, a part-time employee (huge shout out to those of you moms who are full-time employees...I really don't know how you do it.  And stay sane). We had a six year old, a two year old, and a newborn.  Scrapbooking had to take a  back seat, unless I wanted to knock out a few pages during Hunter's countless middle-of-the-night feedings.  

But I was too busy staring into the beautiful baby blues of my tiny man, 

marveling at his gorgeous chin dimple, and let's face it...sneaking in some zzz's.

I didn't want to be so consumed with recording our life that I didn't live it.

I also didn't want to be so busy living life that I didn't take the time to stop and record it.

Hmm. ;) 

A blog seemed like the perfect compromise.  

It would be a way to keep track of what was going on in our family so that I wouldn't forget 

both the big things and the little things.

 It became a way to share these boys with our family and friends...especially the ones who lived out of town.

 And when we found out we were moving to Georgia, I was even more thankful for this blog, knowing it would keep family and friends connected to what we were up to, hoping to help them (and us!)  feel that we weren't so far away.

Someday I will go back and do more work in their scrapbooks.

I will finish them, because it IS important.  

I long for them to have completed albums with my handwriting in them, full of their photos and stories.

I have set specific goals for myself...and someday it's going to be way quieter in my house and I will have more time.  But for today I'm going to live life.

 If you're still hanging in there with me, you deserve a prize. :) Thank you.

You may be wondering why I named this post "Changes."

I've been in a royal funk for the past several days.  Partly due to circumstances that I don't understand or feel comfortable talking about right now.  Partly due to the seriously gloomy weather we've had for the past 4 days. But mostly because I've been looking around and trying to figure out what exactly God wants me to be doing right now.  Feeling a little lost....more like I'm missing out on what He has called me to be here for right now. I think it's time to step out and make this blog more than the recording of our family's day-to-day stuff. Don't get me wrong...there will still be that. ;)

I want this blog to be a place where fellow moms can feel normal. Where honesty is not only welcome, but expected, without judgement. Let's face it...being a mom is hard.  Really hard.  It's soooo worth it, but it's hard. And that's okay.  I'm hoping that if we can gather together and be supportive, laugh at and relate to each others' craziness, then the world will be a happier, more manageable place to live.

God is challenging my heart....things are getting stirred up.  I have so much to share with you, things that I am still processing, but I need to stop for tonight.  Partly because this post is now ridiculously long.  And partly because I'm ready to get in bed and unwind with my DVR. ;)  Honesty, right?

I ask you to join me on this journey.  It will be fun. 

It will be real.

And hopefully, your hearts will be challenged like mine.

More to come....