I'm Sorry....He's How Old?!?

 There's this little guy who lives in our house.

Tomorrow, he's going to be five.

Five.

How in the world is my baby five years old?

As much as I love a birthday (LOVE)....not gonna lie~

I'm struggling with this one.

Don't get me wrong....I'm so happy and thankful to be celebrating another year with our youngest.

There is much to celebrate, and we plan to party all week. :)

Here we are the minute after I first laid eyes on him.

It felt like I had known him my entire life, and just like it did with his brothers, my heart grew bigger to accommodate this new love that God had so graciously placed in my arms...in my life.

I was smitten....and in the moment this pic was taken, thinking that he was amazing just for the simple fact that he entered this world so very quickly and easily. I quite literally sneezed him out.

I highly recommend that kind of delivery. ;)

In a flash he went from a dream to a reality. And in a flash I fell completely in love....with his tiny 6 pound, 13 ounce body, his sweet chin dimple, his gorgeous blue eyes, his monkey toes. The perfect amount of hair that had already grown on his delicious-smelling head. Smitten.

 Flash forward 5 years. Emphasis on the "flash forward" part, because, boy....it went fast.

 His beautiful blue eyes have turned to a glistening green.

He's still rockin' that chin dimple, but now he also likes to rock out on his guitar.

He's still the tiniest of the three (for his age, compared to where H1 and H2 were), 

now weighing 44 pounds and measuring almost 44 inches.
He has really great hair. ;)  His head still smells delicious.

And yes....I'm still smitten.

He's hilarious and headstrong.

He's sweet and caring.

He's obsessed with Star Wars.  Obsessed.

He loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate milk.

Cheetos and cake.

Blueberries and yogurt.

Legos are his go-to toys these days, and he's rarely found without a lego guy in his hand. Or his pocket.

He loves preschool, and thanks to Mrs. Cathy and Mrs. Laura, 

has decided that writing letters and drawing pictures is lots of fun after all.

He's really excited about being 5, mostly because when you're 5 you get to

stop taking naps and start going to kindergarten.

*double gulp*

I've been thinking a lot about why I'm having such a hard time with this birthday.

I promise I don't intend to be all melodramatic about it....I mean, it's not about me anyway.

Five is one of those birthdays that have an impact, probably because it marks the end of some things, the beginning of so many others.  I reacted in a similar way when Harrison and Hud each turned 5, so this is nothing new. But this time, it's the last time we will be celebrating 5. The official end of the baby years. The beginning of school, loose teeth, bikes without training wheels, and the tying of shoes. 

The first bigger steps towards independence.

For almost 11 years I've had a baby in the house. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a degree of panic when I start to think about what next year is going to be like with all three of them being in school.  All day.

There's a part of me that is a little excited.  Time to....myself?  What does that mean, exactly? My house will be so clean....but so quiet.  I'll have time to formulate organized thoughts.  And sentences.  Huh.  The preschool shows I've spent so many years watching on tv will be replaced with things like The Today Show and The View. Or I'll get caught up on my dvr for this first time in a long time. I'll probably join the gym or start a yoga class somewhere. Of course, I'll get more involved at the boys' school.  Maybe I'll actually start my master's degree. I'll have time to get a pedicure, to shop a little without interruptions.

But what will I want to do, you ask? I'll want to go back to how things were.  To spend my days playing with my boys like we did when they were little and our biggest decision was what to have for lunch, or if we should play outside before nap or after nap.  To go back to the crazy.  The chaos.  The ridiculous loudness.

What could make me crazy on a day-to-day basis then is sounding absolutely perfect today.

I know they need me just as much (and in some ways, even more) now that they are getting older as they did when they were little.  I will come to treasure even more the hours after school while we work on homework, cook dinner, get caught up on their days. And hey....let's face it.  Some days I will laugh at the afternoon crazy and realize that the quiet days are kind of nice sometimes. ;)

I will long to slow down time as much as I can, in effort to keep them babies as long as possible.  I will try to be wise in letting them grow up as well.  I will hug and kiss and tell them how crazy I am about them on a daily basis.  I will encourage their independence. I will fight for them.  I will live in the moment with them. 

I will probably embarrass them in front of their friends.  

I will pay for their therapy.

Happy 5th birthday to Hunter.  I'm so happy to call him my baby boy.

Love him to the moon and back, one bazillion times.

Bossypants

Growing up, I was the oldest of three girls.

A typical oldest child, I was (am?) a pleaser, a perfectionist, and admittedly....

...a little bossy. ;)

I tried really hard to reel in my bossy tendencies.  Really hard. And honestly, I didn't really think I was being bossy.  I really thought I just knew what was best, and wanted to help others see that. ;)  Thankfully for those around me, I was also a pretty shy child, until you really knew me well.  So most people didn't have to listen to me share what I thought they should be doing differently and exactly why they should be doing it differently. Unfortunately, those who did know me well (namely, my sisters) received way more "instruction" than they probably cared to. Fortunately for my sisters, they were both incredibly headstrong, and didn't put up with my bossy ways much.

Any time I watch a tv show or movie, I try to figure out which character I relate the most to...don't know why...guess I'm kind of a nerd like that. :)
For example, with "Friends" it's a mix of Monica and Rachel....but mostly Monica.
On Beverly Hills, 90210 (the REAL one from the 90's)  it was always Kelly.
On Grey's Anatomy....Meredith.
The Brady Bunch? Jan.
I Love Lucy? Ethel....even though I wanted it to be Lucy real bad.

But unfortunately with Peanuts....that time it was Lucy.
Lucy is bossy, and really thinks she knows everything.
She even set up this advice booth for her friends to stop by and get help when they needed it.
I'm too much of a pleaser (and think kindness is too incredibly important)
to be as mean as she ever was, but still,
the similarities are there.

However, I would argue that every once in awhile, Lucy had moments of genius.

This is a perfect example. ;)

In college I majored in Family Psychology and Social Work.  I wanted to help people, by either working for an adoption agency or at a counseling center, and I also thought the Family Psych degree would help me be a better wife and mother. I had planned to pursue my master's degree in either Social Work or Counseling after graduation.  But instead I got married my junior year, and then became anxious to get on with life, and put my plans for a Master's Degree on the back burner.

Then, 2 and a half years after graduation, I became a mom.

Finally, a chance to practice all I learned in college, mixed with the stuff that was already "in" me, the maternal instinct that I was supposedly born with.  I loved babies, kids, etc. and was so happy to have one of my own.  I was 23 when Harrison was born. I thought I knew a lot.....but I was so clueless.

Honestly, a lot of stuff in the beginning came somewhat naturally. Harrison and I were so very in tune with each other.  He was a very easy baby~ happy and sweet and lots of fun almost all of the time. Didn't cry much at all. He was a great eater~ nursed when he was with me, easily took a bottle from B or my mom when I was at work. After he turned one, we took away his bottle, which I thought would be a nightmare.  It wasn't. As he got older he was eager to try new foods. He wasn't the best sleeper, 

but his dad was really good at getting him down for the night, so we made a good team.

He was my little buddy, and I thought I had this mom stuff down.

And then....he turned 3. :)

Admittedly, I was also pregnant with our second son, Hudson, at the time, so I was out of sorts, dealing with morning sickness, and I was extremely over-sensitive.  Eight years later, my family still talks about it...and shudders. ;) So for all I know, I'm to blame for the sudden surge in "know-it-all-ness" that suddenly possessed my usually-easy-oldest-born. Or maybe he was already launching into oldest child-mode before his little brother had even made his debut. Who knows?

All I did know was that I had most definitely met my match. ;)

Harrison (now 10) is happy, funny, super smart, kindhearted, and thoughtful.

We have a total blast together....we share a love for movies, television, music, and books, 

 and I still read to him every night.  Don't see that stopping anytime soon.

 

I often say he's the smarter, more-outgoing, male version of me.

Unfortunately, he also inherited the bossy side of me as well.  And the know-it-all stuff.  Maybe it's genetics.  Maybe it's birth order.  Maybe it's both. But the older he gets, the more I realize how hard it is sometimes to be a mom.  To try to correct the very things that you see in yourself and are trying to change. I thought it would be easier to parent the one(s) who were more like me.  I was wrong. Don't misunderstand me~ for every one thing that makes him difficult, there are 10 things that make him wonderful.  I worry that in my effort to correct the things I see in him that I also see in myself and want to change that I'm being too hard on him. So each day I try to focus on all the things he does so well....and gently remind him when he needs correction.  Celebrating all the things that make him my amazingly wonderful, incredibly loved firstborn son. Trusting that someday he will meet, fall in love with, and marry a girl who is the complete opposite of him, just like his dad and I are.

And then go on to become the dad of a little one just like him. ;)

Purpose

Ok, confession time.

Last night when I finished typing up the "Changes" post, I really wasn't expecting much feedback. My humble little blog doesn't get much traffic, and I've always been okay with that.  I mean, while I firmly believe I have the 3 most darling, smartest, amazing kids on the planet that everyone should want to read about, I completely understand that you may disagree, firmly believing that you are actually the one who has the most darling, smartest, amazing kid(s) on the planet that everyone should want to read about.

It's a pointless argument, so I'm not going to waste any time on it. As I said last night, this blog began as a way to record our family's memories to share with family and close friends who want to keep up with what's going on here. It was also intended as a point of reference so that when I go back to scrapbook them later I don't have to rely on memory. That, my friends, would be disastrous.

My memory isn't what it used to be, and I fully blame my darling children for that. :)

Where was I going with this?  I don't remember.

Oh, yes...confession time.

The response to last night's post surprised me. While it was by no means a huge response by "celebrity blogger" standards, it was a start.  Enough of a start to confirm what I feel God has been nudging me about....that I need to use this blog as a voice of encouragement. That you who read this blog are feeling similar rumblings, are seeking more, are looking for validation and encouragement as you raise your children. It's a scary world out there, but it's the one we live in.

I started reading the comments on the blog and on FB....and I got a little panicked.

What if I don't meet their expectations?

What ARE their expectations?

What if I fail?

Where in the world does God want me to go with this?

 So I turned off the computer, put my phone on the charger, and got in bed.

And I prayed...asking God to show me, one blog post at a time, exactly what He wants me to share with you. And I chilled out considerably, thankful for my Jesus who has a calming effect on me. He's really good at reeling me back in. :)  My hope through all of this is to make Him more famous through our story. To show people who read this blog that there's WAY more to this life than just making it through another day, another endless pile of laundry, another trash bag full of dirty diapers. When He made us mothers, He entrusted us with His greatest creations.  That's HUGE, people.

The truth is, I love being a mom. It's the only thing I feel like I was made to do.  According to my dad, I've been a mother since my sister, Reagan, was born when I was 2. Poor kid. ;) I'm sure she and my other sister, Beth, didn't always appreciate my need to mother them.  I mean, they already had a mom, and she was really good at it. But I couldn't help it. So you can imagine how utterly thrilled I was on that January day in 2001 when I became a mom to my very own (that I had to share with my husband;) baby boy.  I had found my calling. :) But with that calling came great responsibility.

This was a little person that B and I were SOLELY responsible for. 

*gulp*

That scared the crap out of me.  Still does....almost 11 years later. ;)

And since I'm all about being honest and transparent here, let me say this:  I MESS UP ALL THE TIME. I've had to apologize to my kids way more than I'd like to admit.  

I've gotten frustrated with their endless trails of shoes, clothes, toys, and snack wrappers.

I've let them watch more tv than they probably need to (yes, even SpongeBob. The horror;)

I've stepped on more Legos and Hot Wheels than I care to count.

I've had more "head-spinning, crazy mom" moments than I want to remember.

I've yelled when I should have talked quietly and carefully.

Thankfully, and mercifully, God has made children incredibly forgiving. And forgetful.

And I know without a doubt that my boys love me almost as much as I love them,

even though we often debate who loves who more. :)
What can I say?  It's a love fest.

I've renamed this blog "The Mommy Revelation" because I believe the moms of this generation are thinking differently.  And that is good. We're waking up and realizing that it's time for something different. The world we lived in as kids is completely different from the one our kids are living in today. I'm not okay with the constant comparisons, the feelings of failure, the ongoing competition that moms have between each other, and the resulting pressures that often get projected onto our children.

Let this be your safe place. A place to rejoice in our awesome mom moments, to regroup after our not-so-awesome mom moments, to encourage and build each other up.  Some of my posts will be lighthearted and funny.  Some will be more serious and purpose-driven. I've enabled the comment feed option for each post so that not only can I answer a question or make a comment, but you can talk to each other as well.

I'm excited....more to come

Changes

I've been blogging for awhile. And like just about everything I decide to start, I'm usually one of the last who decides to jump on the bandwagon.  In 1995 when I was about to head off to college, I talked to a dear childhood friend named Kelly who was going to a different college. She told me that we could email to keep in touch.  My thoughts went like this, "Email? Yeah, that's never going to take off." I guess I was wrong. ;) I've had similar opinions about capri pants, flip flops, and texting.  And while I no longer wear capri pants because they make my short legs look even shorter, I've been way off base about the other things.  At the first hint of Spring you'll find me in flip flops. Texting?  Not sure how I made it without it, although I still prefer phone conversations.  Or even better? Real, live face time.  I didn't think this whole blogging thing would ever stick...at least as far as I was concerned.  I'm kind of a quitter....not in every way, thankfully, but in plenty of other, not-as-important ways.  I no longer make New Year's resolutions.  Life's hard enough without setting yourself up for failure. ;) I'm so ADD at times that I start projects that never get finished, start books I don't finish reading, start watching tv shows, then lose interest. I've given up Diet Cokes more times than I can count. I have yet to finish a Beth Moore Bible study, and absolutely not because I didn't like them.  I LOVED them, craved what I was learning, couldn't wait until the next week's lesson. So I can't even begin to tell you why I stopped. Every time. I probably need therapy. 

Not proud of myself.  At all. But I promise that when it comes to my relationship with God, I'm not a quitter. More on that later. :)

And when it comes to my family, I'm all in. Hard core. However, there are some nights when I spend way more time in the bathtub than a person probably should, recovering from a particularly exhausting day of raising three boys.  Pruney doesn't even begin to cover it. ;) But after a bath and a good night's sleep, I'm good to go, ready for another day of crazy. And laughs. And love. And chaos.  It's what we do. :)

I started blogging when our youngest, Hunter, was an infant. It took 3 kiddos to make me realize that I was indeed not Superwoman.  It took that 3rd one to humble me and make me see that I can't do it all.  At least not well. When he was born I was teaching scrapbooking classes at a store that I loved.  I was telling the ladies each week in my classes how important it was, and giving them all kinds of tips on how to stay current in their albums, all the while my boys' albums were sitting at home, collecting dust.  I know, I'm a hypocrite....but not on purpose. It was not because I didn't care or didn't want to scrapbook anymore....not at all.  I loved it then, I still do today.  But I found that keeping up with three scrapbooks each year was consuming way more time than I was willing to give up...at least to do it they way I wanted it done.

So.

I accepted the fact that I had entered a crazy-busy stage of life, knowing it wouldn't last forever. I was a minster's wife, a full-time mom, a part-time employee (huge shout out to those of you moms who are full-time employees...I really don't know how you do it.  And stay sane). We had a six year old, a two year old, and a newborn.  Scrapbooking had to take a  back seat, unless I wanted to knock out a few pages during Hunter's countless middle-of-the-night feedings.  

But I was too busy staring into the beautiful baby blues of my tiny man, 

marveling at his gorgeous chin dimple, and let's face it...sneaking in some zzz's.

I didn't want to be so consumed with recording our life that I didn't live it.

I also didn't want to be so busy living life that I didn't take the time to stop and record it.

Hmm. ;) 

A blog seemed like the perfect compromise.  

It would be a way to keep track of what was going on in our family so that I wouldn't forget 

both the big things and the little things.

 It became a way to share these boys with our family and friends...especially the ones who lived out of town.

 And when we found out we were moving to Georgia, I was even more thankful for this blog, knowing it would keep family and friends connected to what we were up to, hoping to help them (and us!)  feel that we weren't so far away.

Someday I will go back and do more work in their scrapbooks.

I will finish them, because it IS important.  

I long for them to have completed albums with my handwriting in them, full of their photos and stories.

I have set specific goals for myself...and someday it's going to be way quieter in my house and I will have more time.  But for today I'm going to live life.

 If you're still hanging in there with me, you deserve a prize. :) Thank you.

You may be wondering why I named this post "Changes."

I've been in a royal funk for the past several days.  Partly due to circumstances that I don't understand or feel comfortable talking about right now.  Partly due to the seriously gloomy weather we've had for the past 4 days. But mostly because I've been looking around and trying to figure out what exactly God wants me to be doing right now.  Feeling a little lost....more like I'm missing out on what He has called me to be here for right now. I think it's time to step out and make this blog more than the recording of our family's day-to-day stuff. Don't get me wrong...there will still be that. ;)

I want this blog to be a place where fellow moms can feel normal. Where honesty is not only welcome, but expected, without judgement. Let's face it...being a mom is hard.  Really hard.  It's soooo worth it, but it's hard. And that's okay.  I'm hoping that if we can gather together and be supportive, laugh at and relate to each others' craziness, then the world will be a happier, more manageable place to live.

God is challenging my heart....things are getting stirred up.  I have so much to share with you, things that I am still processing, but I need to stop for tonight.  Partly because this post is now ridiculously long.  And partly because I'm ready to get in bed and unwind with my DVR. ;)  Honesty, right?

I ask you to join me on this journey.  It will be fun. 

It will be real.

And hopefully, your hearts will be challenged like mine.

More to come....

Hunter

Our youngest has two current dreams:
1) to be a police officer when he grows up (*gulp*) ;)
2) to be a rock star
Knowing him, he'll somehow figure out a way to do both. We'll see. ;)

This week he got a taste of the rock star life.
Just kidding...he actually got the chance to sing in both the Christmas program at his preschool, and on Wednesday night with his church choir. This was his first time to sing in front of an audience, and in usual Hunter form, he hammed it up. There's no shyness with this kiddo whatsoever. He soaked up his time in the spotlight.

I love the expression on his face in this pic. I think he was dancing a little here...not sure he was supposed to be, but whatever. :)

And then he got to be a wise man for his school program.

Love the way he's looking up to his Daddy here.

How much I love this baby. So fun watching him do his thing in these programs.
He loves to perform.
He's growing up so very fast, and I'm really not okay with that. But since I don't have a choice in that, I'll be thankful that I get to watch him grow up, and do my best to soak it all up.

His pre-k class. Sweet kiddos!

Magical City

Last night I got back from a NYC trip with my mom and sisters.
It was our second time to go together, and we had the most wonderful time. :)
Love the time with just the 4 of us...and while we all were missing kids (grandkids) and husbands, we really love the time together. The days went by way too fast, but we made some great memories, shopped hard (I'm still amazed that I was able to get everything home in the two bags I brought....pretty sure my suitcase has some sort of Mary Poppins magic in it), and unfortunately brought home some sort of cold/virus thing that I would have way preferred to leave behind. But that's okay~ it was totally worth it. ;)

Yes, I was that weird girl taking a pic of myself on the plane. ;)
I was so excited though, I had to share it with everyone!

This is part of the upper west side of Manhattan...my very favorite part of the city. And while we all decided on this trip that maybe living there wouldn't be the best thing for us (the noise and crowds would get to us, I think....even though we changed our minds again and again) we absolutely wouldn't pass up the chance to live right here if the opportunity presented itself.
A girl can dream, right?

It's very You've Got Mail-ish...isn't it?

Love these girls so very much. Words can't really express the bond we have....how much fun we have together....how hard we laugh. So thankful for my mom and sisters.

One of our favorite places in the city....Serendipity. Famous for their frozen hot chocolates. And it really doesn't matter how cold it is outside....we still have to have one. :)

Lunch at Serendipity

Rockefeller Center. Tried to see the tree lighting, but the crowds were ABSOLUTELY insane. We really tried to push through, but finally gave up. Thankfully we were there for it last time too, so we didn't feel like we were missing out too much. :/

Thursday night we saw Jersey Boys. Definitely the highlight of the trip! Reagan and Mom waited in line for last minute deals on tickets, and we ended up with these. This was the perfect show for us...the first one ever for me, and I can honestly say I am hooked. I now understand what people are saying when they talk about how amazing these shows are. The theater was way smaller than I expected, and there honestly wasn't a bad seat in the house. You felt like you were right there in a front row seat. The talent these people have is just unbelievable.

Took some pics outside of the theater after the show...

Beth had a little bit of a crush on the guy that played Frankie Valli. ;) As she was posing for this pic the door opened, sending Beth tumbling to the ground. It was hilarious. The guy behind the door was laughing right along with us...he was one of the cast members.

One of the best parts of the city is all the amazing architecture...this is St. Patrick's Cathedral. Breathtaking.

Dancing Salvation Army guys....I love this city. :)

Radio City Music Hall

Mom and Beth down near Battery Park

3 of my favorite girls in the whole world....so thankful for these past few days and all the memories we made. Love this city. :)

Hi, there...remember me? I used to blog.
I still like to blog. Not sure exactly why I haven't been lately.
Oh well.

Even though it's well into November (crazy) and we're getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving, making Christmas lists, and LOVING this cool weather, it seems just like yesterday (literally) that we were having Halloween fun.

The boys each carved a pumpkin and showed me their scariest faces.
You're scared, aren't you? ;)

This year's costumes were fun to put together:
One Hobo (thank you iCarly),

One escaped-from-prison bank robber who clearly hasn't learned his lesson. ;)
Hud likes to take walks on the wild side....I felt the need to stress that this is pretend. Lol!

And a Smurf. :) Hunter Smurf, to be exact.

There's about a million reasons that I love our neighborhood....it really does feel like something out of tv, or at least my dreams....tree-lined streets, tons of kids playing outside, people stopping to talk to neighbors, neighborhood socials, and wonderful friends already made. Halloween doesn't disappoint either....the entire neighborhood turned out for trick-or-treating together on Halloween. Here's a few of them:

Hunter and his buddy Aiden thought it would be fun to be Smurfs together.
They were right. ;)

And here's a random pic of my mom and me.
I'm not even sure who took it, but I miss her, so here you go.

And in HUGE, super exciting, wow-God-is-so-GOOD news....
there are two new members of our family.
I'm an aunt! Well, I guess I've been an aunt for years, but this time to kiddos on my side of the family....my sister and brother-in-law are adopting twins!

Yes, their names are Finn and Bailey. Yes they are perfect. And beautiful. And fun. And sweet. And very busy. And two-years-old. Who speak their own little language to each other, love Curious George, fruit snacks, reading books, their beds, hugging, chasing, and snuggling. :)
Until the adoption is finalized we can't post photos on any type of social media site, so this pic of the pillows and nite-nites I made for them will have to do for now. ;) Trust me, the second we can share them with the world, we will. I'm a super proud Aunt Jac. And their 3 H cousins (and Uncle B) are in love as well. Soon. :)

I got to travel home to TX last weekend to meet them and celebrate their arrival by throwing a shower for them with Mom and Beth. And I've been reflecting A LOT (about lots of things) but so that I don't get off track....I've been thinking a lot about God's timing, how AMAZING it is to watch Reagan and Jon be Mommy and Daddy, and how that this is not only an answer to prayer for them, but a dream come true for the twins as well. There is no question that these babies were rescued, and have been given a second chance at life.

It's hard to think about what their first two years were like. And really, we'll never know exactly what that was like for them. I don't like to think about it....I spent the weekend soaking up time with them, LOVING the chance to do for my sister what she has spent the past almost 11 years doing for me. I don't know what Finn and Bailey's life was like before, but I know what it is like now, and what lies ahead for them. There is more love than they know what to do with. And laughter. And playtime. Snuggling in to watch a movie. Playing chase with Papa, just like my boys like to do. When they get older there will be baking with Mimi as well. Bath and bedtime routines that involve super cozy beds with story times and rocking before they are hugged, kissed, prayed with, and tucked in safe. Things that we do on a daily basis without giving much thought to, but have given these two a strong sense of security rather quickly.
Exactly what they need, and are now thriving because of it.

I look back on the past few years that my sister and brother-in-law struggled to start a family. We didn't understand then what God was up to, but we understand now. :) He knew that there were two babies out there who were going to need a new family. And he knew that Reagan and Jon were just exactly what they were going to need. And I when I listen to Reagan talk about how amazing it is to be a mommy, and how they were so worth the wait, I'm thankful for the reminder that God's plan is so much better than we could ever hope or imagine, and is definitely worth waiting for.