Unicorns and Rainbows (and maybe a few dark clouds) ;)

Today at 12:30 our summer officially began.  For the next 10 and a half weeks there are no alarm clocks, no schedules, no school projects or tests to study for....nothing.   I love summertime. Love the lazy days of hanging by the pool, playing games, going for frozen yogurt, vacationing with loved ones...it's very much unicorns and rainbows. ;)  This summer involves some fun plans and is promising to be incredible...but even if we had no plans I would still be doing a happy dance, for this is the time of year when I get the boys home with me all day.  And although the first few days take some adjusting (we affectionately refer to it as the re-entry period;) it's not long before we're back in the groove of near-constant togetherness, and I'm soaking up my time with my 3. :)

So I'm trying to focus on all of this, and not on the fact that in the past week...

...this one graduated from pre-k....

....partied with his buddies;)....

....and this one graduated from elementary school.

Clearly, when B and I were planning our family we didn't think through the fact that 11 years later this would happen at the same time.  Lol....one more reason that it's a good thing it's not up to us, because we know God's timing is perfect, even during the tough mommy moments. ;)  Having one starting middle school at the same time another is starting kindergarten is a little rough on this mama's heart. I've been a "bit" emotional today. ;)

And incredibly thankful that this guy, while making a change too, is a much more 

emotionally-manageable change from 2nd to 3rd grade.

He's pretty pumped, if you can't tell. ;)

Yes...there was lots to celebrate today.

And even the littlest H was making himself at home at what will be his school this fall.

That kid can't pass up a microphone....not a shy bone in his entire body.

 This week we've celebrated friendships...

...and decided it's better (easier?) to put off goodbyes with promises to stay in touch instead, which is much easier to handle, but in this case also true.  He's got some pretty incredible friends. :)

And while every. single. year I get emotional about saying goodbye to their teachers and struggle to wrap my brain around the fact that the school year really is over, this time feels different.  For the first time in my boys' school years, we finally have found our groove.  We love this school, and it feels like home.  We've developed friendships with people who go the distance for us and with us, knowing full well we would do the same for them.  It feels good to be there. :)

And while it doesn't make change any easier, (and I really don't like change), there is a peace and happiness that comes with being secure and comfortable with where you are.  And now the theme from "Cheers" is stuck in my head. ;)

But the thing that keeps looming over my head like a ridiculous dark cloud is this big thing that is going to make everything so very different.

This fall, for the first time in over 11 years, I won't have a baby at home with me.

11 years is a long time to me, and to say I'm feeling a little lost at the idea of this reality would be a giant understatement.  I really have no idea what I'm going to do with myself.  I keep hearing that I'm going to love it.  That I will find all kinds of things to do.  That I deserve this time after years of taking care of babies and preparing them for school.  But really it just feels weird.  And sad.  And lonely.
Looks like I have 10 and a half weeks to get a life.  Lol ;)

I'll figure it out, and am determined to embrace it, just like I've had to with every other change I've faced.  And in the meantime I'm going to do everything in my power to make this summer amazing.  I'm going to carpe diem the heck out of it, realizing full well that the little things are just as important as the big things.  I'm going to love these kiddos and soak up every bit of their 11, almost 8, and 5-ness that I can, because in a flash it'll be time to start setting those alarm clocks again.  Let the magic begin. :)

On Mother's Day

It's been a perfect (by our standards;) weekend around here.

My boys sure to know how to make this mom feel incredibly special. :)

It's kind of weird how much free time you have when other people are taking care of your jobs for the day.  Lol...lots of time for blogging, I watched a whole movie ("The Vow"~ sweet, and good...two thumbs up) with minimal interruption.  That is a gift all in itself.

It's also given me plenty of time to think, and it wasn't long before my mind drifted to the people who have taken time to invest in me.

And as I think about how much I love being a mom, how crazy-happily-blessed I feel

for being trusted with the awesome (and sometimes scary;) 
responsibility of caring for these three:

 I immediately think about the moms who influenced my life in different ways.

First and foremost, my mom, who not only taught me how to be a mom,

but also showed me how to take joy in the little things,

how to cook and clean and take care of my family,

how to give without end to the people I love,

and showed me just what sacrificial love looks like.

She filled me (and still does) with more love than I can carry.

She is equally as amazing as a Mimi,

and the boys are crazy about her. :)

I'm thankful for my mother-in-law,

who taught me to look for the adventure in everything,

and how to be courageous no matter what comes my way.

Most importantly, she raised an incredible son

who turned into the love of my life.

I'm forever grateful. :)

She's one special Nana as well. :)

I'm thankful (and missing even more today) my Momo...

the one who taught me how to love life and embrace every part of it,

to find humor in just about everything,

to love without end,

that being feisty sometimes is good,

and who was always my safe place to talk about anything (and boy, did we;)

I miss her like crazy.

My Aunt Becky,

who loves me like her own,

has taught me to look at things from different perspectives,

and taught me to be selfless and generous;

plus, she's lots of fun. :)

And of course, without this guy

I wouldn't be a mom. :)

 

He makes me feel loved, and beautiful, and special,

and I love that God chose him for me.

I am so incredibly thankful to get to walk this life with him,

and that we get to raise this crazy bunch together. :)

Happy Mother's Day to all you mamas out there...take time to 

thank the ones that got you were you are today. :)

Uncharted Territory

Blogging is hard.

Ok, really it's not...the hard part is coming up with things that are relevant and helpful to write about, and making time to sit down and actually write about those things.  Really hard....or maybe it's just been too crazy here lately. That's not really relevant...when is it not crazy around here? 

Never. ;)

But when I stop what I'm doing and really think; when I pray and ask God to show me where I can best minister to others; when I think about my what my passions are, being a mom and encouraging other moms is at the top of the list.  I'm thankful for this blog world and the opportunities it gives for us to share thoughts and ideas and to gather others' thoughts and ideas as well....being a mom can at times be a little lonely, as odd as it can seem to feel lonely when kids are crawling all over you ;) but we all know that happens, and identifying with what another mom is going through helps.  A lot.

As I'm typing this, my 5-year-old is crying in his room, protesting his nap. In case you didn't know, 5 is WAY too old to take a nap...at least, that's what he has spent the last HOUR trying to convince me. ;) He hasn't had to take a nap in a few months (we said goodbye to naptime on his 5th birthday) but as I've (somewhat) patiently had to explain this afternoon, we ALL need naps sometimes.  And when we're cranky and whiny, we REALLY need a nap. Period.  I could definitely use one right now. ;)

Just when I think I'm past all the stuff that comes with having a preschooler (like fighting a nap) I'm reminded that I'm not....yet.  But honestly, this familiar territory has been a welcome distraction from what has been heavily on my mind the past couple weeks.

Last week I registered Harrison for middle school.  He's making a big move next year.

Leaving the happy, secure bubble of the school we love  and starting a new leg of his journey at our neighborhood middle school.  It's something we've spent the last year talking and praying about,
and as bittersweet as it is, we feel it's the right thing for him.

Our reasons make sense to us, but they may not for other people...and that's okay. The boys' school currently goes through the 8th grade, and our plan has always been to transfer the boys to a public high school once they get to that stage.  But Harrison decided he didn't want to be the new kid in high school...he wanted to get past that now, make new friends in 6th grade....and I completely understand that.  I was the new kid a lot growing up, and although I know it made me more outgoing, less shy, and ultimately better-equipped to handle change...it still stunk.

And B and I, as his parents, need to see him handling "real world" stuff while he's under our roof.

It's a tough, ugly world out there...mixed in with pockets of beauty and goodness as well. It's our prayer that Harrison will acclimate quickly, make solid friends that last a lifetime (like B and I have been blessed with), and that he will continue to shine just as he has all through his school years.

But as we all know, even when you're doing what you know is the right thing for your child or your family, it doesn't always mean it's the easy thing.  Usually, it's just the opposite.  And if you were to ask me how I feel about this upcoming change my answer would undoubtedly be that it makes me nervous, nauseous, and a little sad.  Of course, there's a little bit of excitement and happy in there too, but right now the yuck feelings are dominating the happy ones.  I'm trusting that that will change, especially after we see him in his new school, and the unknown becomes the norm.

But today?

Today I want this: 

My oldest baby at 6 (or 5, or 4, or 3...you get it)

 (photo by Kelly Stocksen)

I want to go back to the time when all 3 of my boys were little.

When the questions were much easier to answer.

When there were many more interrupted, sleepless nights (yes, even that...I miss rocking my babies).

When they were all influenced way more by us than by their friends.

When I could more easily keep them in our safe, secure family bubble.

And then gently, and thankfully...my God swoops in with his perfectly timed reminders. :)

And Proverbs 22:6 was quickly brought to mind:

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Notice how it says "train up a child in the way he should GO"

Not "in the way he should STAY."

I mean, is it too much to ask to expect the boys to want to live with us forever? I picture this grand 100 acre farm, with all of our little houses built on it, just walking distance from each other...okay.  Maybe that really does sound a little ridiculous. ;)  And so I stop and really think about those words, and realize that I want to see my boys grow up. That it's crazy to think I can freeze time.  That it is fun seeing them change and grow.  And that while yes, each stage is met with new challenges, and fears and doubts about my ability as a mom threaten to surface, there is also excitement and happiness to come.

This is God's design.

His perfect plan.

And our job as parents is to help lead them on their journey. To guard and protect them, to teach them what is right, what is noble, to be there to answer their questions, and to fill them with more love than they can carry.  But most important? Our job is to point them to Christ...to teach them to lean on Him, to trust Him with each step of their journey, to know Him so well that following Him will be second nature.

So I'm trusting in Harrison's ultimate Protector, and that makes sending him out into our uncharted territory easier. I'm believing that when B and I can't physically be there to protect and guide him through something, that he will fully rely on the One who can.

And as we approach this Mother's Day (my 12th~ wow),

my heart is full.

This weekend has already been full of love, and darling handmade projects,

and my favorite pancakes and coffee, and hugs, and reminders of how sweet this life is.

How much I love being the lone girl in this house. ;)

Thankful doesn't even begin to express my feelings about the amazing blessing that being a mama is.
And while yes, I will always miss the baby stage...and letting go of that has been hard,
I am embracing this new stage we are entering with a happy heart,
and am determined to welcome the days ahead,
and treasure what's to come as much as I treasure the days past.

Stopping

This morning I was driving the boys to school, 

and just as we were coming over the hill before their turnoff,

 

we saw this.

I dropped the boys off and then pulled into a parking lot so I could take a photo, knowing that this isn't something you see every day.  It was really overcast, but there was this beautiful space where the sky literally opened up, allowing the sun to shine through...reminding me that God is here.

 That He loves us.

That He cares about the details of our lives, and that He loves to remind us of that as much (or more) as we love (need) to be reminded. Today I am thankful that He did this to remind me that He's here....it's been a little dark and gloomy in my head the past few days, and I really needed this.

 So while the world around me was starting a new day, hurrying to this place or that....I stopped.

It's not something I would usually do...it's not something I'm good at.

I'm always in a hurry, but for what?

Not sure.

We've already established that I'm a procrastinator, a worrier, a constantly-running-late-er. ;)

So often I'm telling the boys to hurry, hurry, we're going to be late!  Again.

This morning, in His own special way....God told me it's time to stop.

Stop running.

Stop worrying.

Stop hurrying.

Just stop.

So I will. :)

I don't know how easy it's going to be to stop my old habits, but we're working on it a little at a time.

Yesterday I fell out of the car.  Yes...you read that right.  It had been raining, and I was wearing flip flops.  Hunter and I pulled into the garage, I opened the door, stepped out...and boom. My feet slipped right out from under me, and my rear end hit the concrete floor of our garage.  Hard. My arm got caught on the step of our SUV, my lower back hitting that same step on the way down.  And while I don't consider myself particularly graceful, that was the first time I've fallen in a very long time.  What did I do?  I cried.  Hard.  Partly out of pain, partly out of embarrassment, but mostly out of frustration. And I quite possibly scared my youngest half to death.  I later apologized for that. ;)  Thankfully I'm just fine.  Really sore (wow) but fine...nothing broken...just bruised. And jarred.  Today I'm even more sore, so rest has been required. Maybe that was a preemptive (and admittedly, necessary) move before the "stopping" lesson I was going to get today.   Hard to admit, but it would take something like this to get me to slow down and listen. Ouch.

So.

Today has been relaxing...a little laundry, a little tv, some vacuuming, and oh~

I got to play a little ball with this guy.

He asked if I would go out and help him practice batting and I happily stopped what I was doing so we could head outside.  It's just what we needed.

And although I know there will be days when our schedules are ridiculously busy~ right now we're elbow-deep into baseball season, karate practices, school projects and tests and presentations~ on the days when we get a reprieve from the crazy,

I'm going to relish in it.

For I know that the days of seeing Squinkies lined up for battle are numbered.

These boys are growing up way faster than I'd ever choose.

And a last minute  weekday play date at the park with best buddies
will be a thing of the past when two of these three cuties start kindergarten next year.

In a flash, this one will finish his 5th baseball season...

...and this darling gap-toothed boy will have grown up teeth very soon.

So I'm stopping today.  I'm hanging with my baby boy and looking forward to an afternoon with my bigs, talking about their day at school, making dinner for our party of five, helping with homework, just doing life.  Life a little slower, a little more purposeful, and a lot more focused on what's most important.

And because I promised, here's a peek of my (official) brand-new niece and nephew:

Introducing Miss Bailey Isabella

and Mr. John Finnley (better known as "Finn").

I know...they couldn't be any more darling, could they? :)

We're totally in love.

I couldn't be a more proud Aunt Jac. ;)

And these cousins are crazy-mad-nuts about each other.

Two sisters' dream come true. :)

I can't wait to share our Spring Break with you...it was greatness.

Magical. :)

Back soon.

Healing

It's been a little quiet around here, I know.  It's been a little weird around here as well. I've always planned to be honest and open on this blog as often as I possibly can.  But this blog is not my diary...so I know better than to treat it as such.  However, for a girl like me who can be easily distracted (I blame the artsy side of my brain....it's totally taking over my practical, type-A side), sometimes the best thing I can do is write...it's how I try to make sense of things that really can't ever make sense.  My hope is that while I'm working out some things in my head, that maybe something written here will resonate with you. That you will be able to look past the cryptic-ness of this post, and see it for what it needs to be...a road to healing and forgiveness.

When something happens that I don't understand, when I'm hurt and disappointed and feel betrayed, my instinct is to retreat.  To run.  To become a hardcore hermit.  I busy myself with reorganizing something, or working in the yard, or I do something crazy like paint a tree in my house. Like this one:

Actually I painted this last month, before things got weird. But this tree helped me get my first real, paying wall art job for a church's children's area...long story that's not really relevant.  The new creative outlet has been good for me though. I crave any kind of distraction that will keep me from having to deal with feelings about things I can't understand.....but I know better.  I know that I have to deal with stuff because it's not going to go away until I do.

While I can't tell you the details of what has happened, I will tell you what I'm learning from it....let me the stress the learning, because I still have a ways to go.  I promise you that the details surrounding what has happened really aren't relevant to the lesson coming from it....at least as it pertains to you that read this.

I'm starting to understand that sometimes God brings people into our lives for only a season.  Honestly, I wish that wasn't the case.  When I become friends with someone, typically I'm in it for the long haul.  I prefer to have a small handful of friends that are going to go the distance for me and with me, knowing full well I would do the same for them.  And I am ridiculously blessed with a perfect handful of friends who are exactly that. 

Sometimes, though, friendships have to end.  It's hard, and it hurts, and it's sad.  What I'm learning from all of this is that sometimes God removes people from our life...and it is for our best.  It has to be, or He wouldn't do it.  I have to trust that it's for our protection. Even if it makes me sad right now.

While my flesh is longing to fight, to have the last word...my heart knows better. It knows that I don't need to do anything.  That it's not going to change things, that I really won't feel any better anyway.

"The Lord will fight for you.  You need only be still."

Exodus 14:14

People are going to fail us.  They just are.  I will hurt and disappoint people.  You will too.  

It's inevitable...we're human. 

That's not a cop out...we still need to try our best to be kind and good. 

But we're still going to mess up here and there....not intentionally, I hope.  

It's unfortunate, but it's reality.

 But I have good news. :)  God never will leave us behind.  Not ever.

And through all of this hurt and anger and disappointment, He has reminded me of this very thing, 

and that has been very good. He is faithful.  He is constant. He makes sense of what I can't reconcile in my head...or in this case, shows me that I don't need to try.  I just need to walk away.

You might be wondering what the take-away is here.  Let's see...trust no one? LOL....no, that's not it.  ;) 

I can't wrap up the lesson here in a neat, tidy bow.  This one is too messy.  My hope is that at some point down the road that I will be able to look back on the time I had with these friendships and be thankful.  That I can remember the good....because there was good.  I'm choosing to believe that.  I'm determined to reach a place of forgiveness.  I'm hoping that this won't change me too much...that I will get to a place where I can trust new friendships again...where I can let people in the way I used to.  It's definitely shown me the importance of preserving the friendships I have, making sure they know that I'm not going anywhere, that they are important.  It's reminded me of the people who have been my friends for longer than I can remember, who have stuck by me no matter what.  Of the friends I've made here who have quickly shown me that they aren't going anywhere as well.  God is faithful to provide exactly what I've needed. And I've come to understand that what has happened is somewhat of a fluke, and I'm working to not be afraid that it will happen again.  I've spent a lot of time hiding out, keeping to myself, sticking close to B and the boys...I needed that time. I've spent some time walking, listening to music...God has used that to help heal my heart.  But now I know that it's time to start  getting back to normal, and I'm ready.

Thanks for reading as I've worked through this....I'm sorry if I've confused you, or if the cryptic nature of this post has frustrated you.  That wasn't my intention, but certainly now you understand why I couldn't be specific. My hope is that if you have dealt with something like this that you will be able to take away some part of what I've written that will be helpful to you.  In the meantime, I'll leave you with this...because  it can be applied to just about any situation:

"And we know God works ALL things together for GOOD, 

for those who love God and are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Hard Things

I've had a bit of writer's block lately.
Ok...I've had a lot of writer's block lately. ;)

Started a few different posts, only to be unsure how to finish them.

So those unfinished posts are hanging out, waiting to be complete....hopefully they will be at some point.

There's been this theme running through my head for the past 2 and half years since God called us here....a theme that, simply stated, is "sometimes God calls us to do the hard thing." Or the hard things. In October of 2009, God clearly and distinctly called us to a church in Georgia.  I cringe a little at having to type that He clearly and distinctly called us...or more specifically, that it took the clearly and distinctly part to convince me.  I blogged about all of this here if you haven't read it before and would like to. It will definitely give you a better understanding of the start of this part of our journey...a better understanding of me. But anyway...it took a lot, and it both breaks my heart that God had to be that obvious to convince me, and fills my heart with happiness that He loves me and knows me so well that He was willing to make it that obvious for me.  So I wouldn't doubt, so I could trust Him completely.

How very much He loves us.

I wish I could say that I jumped headfirst into this new ministry opportunity, but it didn't really go like that.  You see,  I may have gone obediently to Georgia, but I didn't go happily.  But I can look back now with a different perspective than when all of this started. Now I can see how God has handled the details...how well He has taken care of us here. And that even though there have plenty of bumps in the road in my life....things I would have rather avoided, THIS was the first real, big, out-of-my-comfort-zone thing.  I hibernated for the first few months, making sure the boys were good, that they were making friends, that they liked school, that they were happy.  But I laid low and didn't try to do much of anything. And I believed that it was ok to do that....and really, I needed that time. The 5 of us have relied even more on each other than we did before....and we are happiest when we're all together.  Thankfully, God cares about the details of our lives, and He knew I needed friends here too.  So He provided them. It's a rather small handful, but that handful gets me, they love me, they understand that this has been hard, and they've been patient and encouraging. And while I miss my people back home more than ever, so much so that sometimes it feels as if the wind has been knocked out of me, I'm trusting that what we have is solid and unchanging.  God knows the desire of my heart. Period.

So.

Where do we go from here?  I know that God allowed me some much-needed time to recoup from the move, but I feel quite certain that He does not intend for me to hibernate in this house forever. ;) Some really cool things are happening in our family....right now, more specifically, with part of our extended family. Ironically, (or really not...just how God works sometimes) at the time when our family of 5's "hard" was beginning, someone (2 someones, actually) were already embarking on their "hard" as well.

This is my sister, Reagan. She's 2 years younger than me, and one of my very best friends in the whole world. The pic was taken last summer when she and Brian pulled off the biggest surprise ever for me by planning a weekend visit for her to come see me. He just pulled in the driveway after a regular day at work, with her in the car. :)  I seriously had NO idea, and some time with her was just what I needed. Love her....not only for thoughtful things like this, but for lots of other things too.  She's funny, and hardworking, so much fun, and understands me like nobody else does.  She also is one of the very strongest people I know.  She and her darling hubs have been on a ridiculously difficult journey to become parents.  Trust me...it would have been way easier to just forget the whole thing and be thankful they had each other.  And they are pretty fantastic all by themselves, so that would be understandable. ;)
However, they knew that God was calling them to do something hard. Something He knew they could handle, but still hard. Reagan and Jon knew they wanted to be parents. I knew they HAD to be parents....given how amazing they were at being an aunt and uncle to the boys, I could only imagine how much more amazing they would be with their own kiddos.

Now, I'm always careful when telling someone else's story.  I want to be respectful of boundaries and all. So I'll leave the details out.  Just know that they went through a lot of testing, treatments, and other procedures in effort to have a baby.  And it wasn't too long before they realized that maybe God had something different in mind.

Meanwhile... 

....there were these two little munchkins living not too far away who had gotten a pretty rough start in life. All the while Reagan and Jon were starting to see that God had called them to a different way of becoming a mom and dad, there was more and more proof that these two were going to need to be rescued.  And soon.

When Reagan and Jon decided to adopt they realized there were different ways to go about doing that. And all of those ways are special.  And noble. They make each family's story unique and wonderful. For this family to come together, R and J had to work with the foster care system...a riskier way, with less of a guarantee of a permanent placement.  But they knew it was what they were supposed to do, so they started on the journey that would eventually lead them to the children that we believe they were always supposed to have. Twins.  A boy and a girl, whose birthday happens to be the same day as R and J's anniversary. The timing had to be perfect, the waiting had to be endured for God's perfect plan for this family to become reality. I LOVE it when God does stuff like this....little details that double as amazing confirmation that He really is in the details.  All of them. :)

In October Finn and Bailey joined Reagan and Jon through the foster care program.
On April 4 they will officially, legally, become a forever family.
And I am so completely ecstatic that the boys and I will get to be there to witness this
incredibly important, unforgettable day.
(and in case you're wondering...after this blessed April 4 day we will FINALLY be able to share photos of these darling babies' faces.  Hang in there.;)

When I met the twins back in November I wasn't sure how they would respond to me.  They had been through an awful lot, and I was just going to be there for a couple days.  But when we met the bond was instant. It was as if I'd known them forever....not quite the same feeling as when I saw my own boys face to face on the days they were born, of course, but undoubtedly, exactly the way an aunt should feel the second she meets her niece and nephew for the first time. :) I am in love with those kiddos, and absolutely LOVE being their Aunt Jac. And not to brag...but I'm pretty sure they're crazy about me too. ;) 

It is downright magical getting to watch this family together.  Reagan and Jon's "hard" isn't quite over yet.  They are having to undo a lot of what happened during Finn and Bailey's first two years...and they are doing an incredible job at it.  Thankfully everything is fixable, and they are healthy, and strong, and loving, and so very beautiful. :) Thriving and amazing us all with how wonderfully they are doing. 

And all of this has encouraged me more than I could ever adequately express on this blog.  It has also pushed me forward in an effort to make sure that we rejoice in God's timing and take joy in waiting on His plan.  And I can't wait to see what He has up next for our family.  A few weeks ago Hunter informed me that there were way more boys than girls in our family, and that he wanted a sister. After reminding him that I can't have any more babies, he quickly responded with, "That's ok, Mom.  Let's just 'dopt one like Aunt Reagan and Uncle Jon did.  I'll talk to Dad about it."  ;)  I don't know yet if that is what God's plan is for us...but I can't wait to find out.

The takeaway?  God's plan doesn't always look like you think it will.  It isn't always rainbows and butterflies, and it doesn't always come in a pretty wrapped package with a bow on top. But it is always exactly what we need at EXACTLY the time we need it. His gifts are always the most thoughtful, the most perfect....His absolute best for us.

God is good.  ALL the time. :)

So I'll leave you with that for now...even though I have much more to say.  

Guess I have some making up to do for the 2+ weeks I've kept quiet, right?  

Hearts

In the very last episode of "Friends," there's this scene where Monica and Chandler, after much anticipation, become parents to twins through adoption~ one boy and one girl.  

When Monica is meeting her son for the first time, she tells him: 

"I'm going to love you so much that no woman is EVER going to be good enough for you!" 

It was a very Monica-ish thing to say. ;)

When this final episode of the final season of "Friends" aired (I'm still not over the fact that it's over...thank goodness for reruns), I was hugely pregnant with this guy right here:

Since he was my second son, I already knew all too well these feelings that Monica expressed.

I laughed at that line....because it was funny.

I nodded at the television....because I understood.

Maybe not the healthiest of feelings...but true nonetheless.

Yesterday I took Hud out for a hot chocolate date at Starbucks.

He loves hot chocolate, and it was freezing cold outside.

He loves a date with his mama almost as much as I love one with him.

It's something we started a few years ago.

I like the idea of teaching them how to treat girls, the importance of holding doors open, 

to be good listeners, to be gentlemen.

I try to take each of them out alone when I can...not in any particular order or with any real regularity, just when the opportunity presents itself, or if one of them seems to need a little extra mom time.

And I've learned a thing or two from these dates with my little men.

For one~ as cool as the three of them are together, they are a different kind of cool alone.

They talk about things that don't come up when the brothers are around,

and we have a quiet understanding that what is said during this time is sacred, and it stays there.

Out of the three, my middle man tends to be quieter,  intuitive...very aware of others and their feelings. He's so incredibly sweet and thoughtful it will almost make your heart hurt, it's so full.

He's quite happy to let his brothers dominate the spotlight, and loves to see them happy.

Don't misunderstand....he can hold his own too, and has a stubborn streak like I've never seen.

I'm thankful for that streak, and love when he shows it....you see, we're kind of a loud bunch, his brothers and I, with Hud and his dad being the quieter ones.  Good thing, probably...can't imagine what it would be like if all 5 of us were like me.  Have mercy.

As he and I were talking and enjoying our hot chocolates, solving the world's problems, ;) 

I couldn't help but think about the day when he does start to date.

I honestly don't think it would have come up if he hadn't started this conversation:

(and this isn't a secret, so I can share it)

"Hey Mom, when we're done here I need to buy one of those heart-shaped boxes of chocolate."

And so I sit there for a moment, relishing in the fact that I really do have the sweetest, most thoughtful middle son in the world because he wants to buy me, his favorite girl, some candy for Valentine's day.

But I played it cool and said, "Ok...who is it for?"

Then I sat back and waited for him to flash those darling dimples and tell me that of course, the chocolate was for me, his favorite girl in the whole wide world.

But things didn't quite go like that.

Instead he told me, (dimples showing, and varying degrees of red flashing on his sweet cheeks) 

that they were for Susie* (name changed to protect the innocent;).

"Oh...okay!" (doing my best to hide my surprise, and at the same time feeling a sense of pride that Hud, at only 7, was already learning the importance of making a girl feel special and appreciated, but then on the flip side thinking that at only seven he was already picking up on the importance of making a girl feel special and appreciated.

I made a mental note to keep a close eye on this kid ;) 

and then asked him what it was about Susie* that made him want to make her his Valentine.

His darling answer?  

"Because she's my friend, and I like her glasses."

Darling. Little. Love. (the boy, not the valentine story)

Even though that's pretty cute too.

Needless to say, there is a little girl out there right now (maybe it's Susie, maybe someone else) who is going to grow up and fall in love with this boy some day, and she is going to be extremely blessed. :)

So you might be wondering what the take-away is today?

Well, here it is. One-on-one time with your children is important.  In fact, it's downright magical.  I know I focus on my relationship with my boys here, but that's because it's all I know.  If I had a girl I would do the same thing with her~ we'd be off getting pedicures, having lunch at a tea room, shopping, etc. But God chose me to be a mom to 3 boys, and so I've made it my mission to be the very best boy mom I can possibly be.

  There is something significantly different (obviously) about your relationship with your children that are the opposite sex. It's in my time spent talking to each of them, having fun with them without their dad or brothers around, that gives me a different look into the mysterious world of boys.  It's made me understand the other men in my world a lot better...namely, my hubs and my dad. And my hope, in all of this time and attention given, in all my questions to them about why they like this or that, what their favorite things are, what they want to be when they grow up, why burps and farts are so funny (I'll never understand that one), etc., is that each one of my 3 will know without a doubt that their mom is crazy-mad-nuts about them.  About every little bit of them. That as they grow, they will continue to rest in the fact that they can talk to me about anything they need to...that I'm a safe place.  You see, their Dad is their hero.  And he should be.  They beam with pride when they talk about their daddy.  As they get older I've begun to see their longing to go do everything their dad does.  They fish with him, play baseball with him, go hunting, wrestle and play Nerf tag, watch sports and Wipeout (geez)....and generally anything and everything he does is the most amazing thing ever. As it should be...I love how they look up to him.  But you can understand my fear that with every year they grow that I lose a little bit more of them. Maybe fear isn't the best word....I know full well how much those boys love me, and I know that's not going to change.  But in the meantime, we'll continue to have our special dates, and I'm going to do my best to make sure they know I'm here, that I can handle anything they need to talk about...and that some day (like 20 years from now at least...lol) when they each meet "that" girl, fall in love, and get married, that I will happily gain a daughter, who will know how incredibly loved and treasured she is too.