Last week I was rocking my new (adorable, squishy, smiley) baby nephew to sleep. There was nothing that had to be done at that moment but soak up that time with him, marvel at how much he had changed in the nearly two months since I had last seen him, and try not to think about how different he would be the next time we visit.
And I realized for the first time since I don't know when, I was actually letting myself relax. I didn't have a mental to-do list running through my head. I ignored the nagging "Jaclyn, you should be doing _______" that inevitably plagues me when I least need it to.
It was as if I had some kind of epiphany. A revelation. That God was quite possibly face-palming (if He really does that sort of thing...and with me, it's likely;) as He watched me finally get it.
God used that quiet moment to show me His word for me for the next year.
"We stand on the brink of eternity. So there is enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real. Time to laugh long, time to give God glory and to rest deep and to sing joy."
Because I'm a Type-A-ish personality (the -ish is for the creative brain part of me that forgets I'm Type A), I like organization. The -ish part becomes a problem with actually seeing the organizational plans through. Calendars? A beautiful idea. I'm all in until about April....then, May-December are left blank. Chore charts for the boys? Brilliant! Until our schedules get the best of me and we forget to do said chores. That chart sure looked cute though.
The -ish is obviously a problem, but that's another post for another day.
Organization. I like the idea of a New Year's Resolution, but not the pressure of it. So at the end of the year I try to listen hard for the thing I need to work on the most in the coming year, in one-word form. You know, because if it's just one word it's no big deal, right?
Last year, my word was "brave." I'm kind of a worrier-wimp.
This year, God quietly whispered the word to me. Time.
Time to soak up kid moments, because we all know how fleeting they are.
Time to start my day with God, instead of merely sending prayers up as I go. The day is always better when it's started with the quiet whispers from Him instead of the loud shouts of the world.
Time to feel no guilt when I opt to read a book or have a binge-session on Netflix instead of vacuum, or fold laundry, or clean toilets, or....
For the love of all things, it's time to stop hurrying through this life. What am I rushing to anyway? I'm missing so much along the way.
The hope in all of this is that by taking time for what is most important, the less-important but necessary things in life (keeping a clean house, making sure we're all clothed, the fridge and pantry stay full, etc.) will still get done without taking precedence.
That's the rub, isn't it?
Things feel out of balance. I think I've finally reached the point in life where social media is going to take a back burner. Like, way in the back. I've grown weary of it all.
Friendships that were once incredibly important to me have fallen away. Not intentionally, but because we've mistakenly thought that if we can keep up on Facebook and Instagram, we're good.
But, we're not.
So, I'm thankful for time. Time to get things right-side up again. To look up and pay attention. To sleep soundly each night, knowing the main things stayed the main things. Not the leftover things. And that will be enough.