Saturday, May 12, 2012

Uncharted Territory

Blogging is hard.
Ok, really it's not...the hard part is coming up with things that are relevant and helpful to write about, and making time to sit down and actually write about those things.  Really hard....or maybe it's just been too crazy here lately. That's not really relevant...when is it not crazy around here? 

Never. ;)
But when I stop what I'm doing and really think; when I pray and ask God to show me where I can best minister to others; when I think about my what my passions are, being a mom and encouraging other moms is at the top of the list.  I'm thankful for this blog world and the opportunities it gives for us to share thoughts and ideas and to gather others' thoughts and ideas as well....being a mom can at times be a little lonely, as odd as it can seem to feel lonely when kids are crawling all over you ;) but we all know that happens, and identifying with what another mom is going through helps.  A lot.

As I'm typing this, my 5-year-old is crying in his room, protesting his nap. In case you didn't know, 5 is WAY too old to take a least, that's what he has spent the last HOUR trying to convince me. ;) He hasn't had to take a nap in a few months (we said goodbye to naptime on his 5th birthday) but as I've (somewhat) patiently had to explain this afternoon, we ALL need naps sometimes.  And when we're cranky and whiny, we REALLY need a nap. Period.  I could definitely use one right now. ;)

Just when I think I'm past all the stuff that comes with having a preschooler (like fighting a nap) I'm reminded that I'm not....yet.  But honestly, this familiar territory has been a welcome distraction from what has been heavily on my mind the past couple weeks.

Last week I registered Harrison for middle school.  He's making a big move next year.
Leaving the happy, secure bubble of the school we love  and starting a new leg of his journey at our neighborhood middle school.  It's something we've spent the last year talking and praying about,
and as bittersweet as it is, we feel it's the right thing for him.

Our reasons make sense to us, but they may not for other people...and that's okay. The boys' school currently goes through the 8th grade, and our plan has always been to transfer the boys to a public high school once they get to that stage.  But Harrison decided he didn't want to be the new kid in high school...he wanted to get past that now, make new friends in 6th grade....and I completely understand that.  I was the new kid a lot growing up, and although I know it made me more outgoing, less shy, and ultimately better-equipped to handle still stunk.

And B and I, as his parents, need to see him handling "real world" stuff while he's under our roof.
It's a tough, ugly world out there...mixed in with pockets of beauty and goodness as well. It's our prayer that Harrison will acclimate quickly, make solid friends that last a lifetime (like B and I have been blessed with), and that he will continue to shine just as he has all through his school years.

But as we all know, even when you're doing what you know is the right thing for your child or your family, it doesn't always mean it's the easy thing.  Usually, it's just the opposite.  And if you were to ask me how I feel about this upcoming change my answer would undoubtedly be that it makes me nervous, nauseous, and a little sad.  Of course, there's a little bit of excitement and happy in there too, but right now the yuck feelings are dominating the happy ones.  I'm trusting that that will change, especially after we see him in his new school, and the unknown becomes the norm.

But today?

Today I want this: 
My oldest baby at 6 (or 5, or 4, or get it)
 (photo by Kelly Stocksen)

I want to go back to the time when all 3 of my boys were little.
When the questions were much easier to answer.
When there were many more interrupted, sleepless nights (yes, even that...I miss rocking my babies).
When they were all influenced way more by us than by their friends.
When I could more easily keep them in our safe, secure family bubble.

And then gently, and God swoops in with his perfectly timed reminders. :)
And Proverbs 22:6 was quickly brought to mind:
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Notice how it says "train up a child in the way he should GO"
Not "in the way he should STAY."
I mean, is it too much to ask to expect the boys to want to live with us forever? I picture this grand 100 acre farm, with all of our little houses built on it, just walking distance from each other...okay.  Maybe that really does sound a little ridiculous. ;)  And so I stop and really think about those words, and realize that I want to see my boys grow up. That it's crazy to think I can freeze time.  That it is fun seeing them change and grow.  And that while yes, each stage is met with new challenges, and fears and doubts about my ability as a mom threaten to surface, there is also excitement and happiness to come.

This is God's design.
His perfect plan.

And our job as parents is to help lead them on their journey. To guard and protect them, to teach them what is right, what is noble, to be there to answer their questions, and to fill them with more love than they can carry.  But most important? Our job is to point them to teach them to lean on Him, to trust Him with each step of their journey, to know Him so well that following Him will be second nature.

So I'm trusting in Harrison's ultimate Protector, and that makes sending him out into our uncharted territory easier. I'm believing that when B and I can't physically be there to protect and guide him through something, that he will fully rely on the One who can.

And as we approach this Mother's Day (my 12th~ wow),
my heart is full.
This weekend has already been full of love, and darling handmade projects,
and my favorite pancakes and coffee, and hugs, and reminders of how sweet this life is.
How much I love being the lone girl in this house. ;)
Thankful doesn't even begin to express my feelings about the amazing blessing that being a mama is.
And while yes, I will always miss the baby stage...and letting go of that has been hard,
I am embracing this new stage we are entering with a happy heart,
and am determined to welcome the days ahead,
and treasure what's to come as much as I treasure the days past.

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