Sunday, January 15, 2012


Growing up, I was the oldest of three girls.
A typical oldest child, I was (am?) a pleaser, a perfectionist, and admittedly....

...a little bossy. ;)

I tried really hard to reel in my bossy tendencies.  Really hard. And honestly, I didn't really think I was being bossy.  I really thought I just knew what was best, and wanted to help others see that. ;)  Thankfully for those around me, I was also a pretty shy child, until you really knew me well.  So most people didn't have to listen to me share what I thought they should be doing differently and exactly why they should be doing it differently. Unfortunately, those who did know me well (namely, my sisters) received way more "instruction" than they probably cared to. Fortunately for my sisters, they were both incredibly headstrong, and didn't put up with my bossy ways much.

Any time I watch a tv show or movie, I try to figure out which character I relate the most to...don't know why...guess I'm kind of a nerd like that. :)
For example, with "Friends" it's a mix of Monica and Rachel....but mostly Monica.
On Beverly Hills, 90210 (the REAL one from the 90's)  it was always Kelly.
On Grey's Anatomy....Meredith.
The Brady Bunch? Jan.
I Love Lucy? Ethel....even though I wanted it to be Lucy real bad.

But unfortunately with Peanuts....that time it was Lucy.
Lucy is bossy, and really thinks she knows everything.
She even set up this advice booth for her friends to stop by and get help when they needed it.
I'm too much of a pleaser (and think kindness is too incredibly important)
to be as mean as she ever was, but still,
the similarities are there.

However, I would argue that every once in awhile, Lucy had moments of genius.

This is a perfect example. ;)

In college I majored in Family Psychology and Social Work.  I wanted to help people, by either working for an adoption agency or at a counseling center, and I also thought the Family Psych degree would help me be a better wife and mother. I had planned to pursue my master's degree in either Social Work or Counseling after graduation.  But instead I got married my junior year, and then became anxious to get on with life, and put my plans for a Master's Degree on the back burner.

Then, 2 and a half years after graduation, I became a mom.
Finally, a chance to practice all I learned in college, mixed with the stuff that was already "in" me, the maternal instinct that I was supposedly born with.  I loved babies, kids, etc. and was so happy to have one of my own.  I was 23 when Harrison was born. I thought I knew a lot.....but I was so clueless.

Honestly, a lot of stuff in the beginning came somewhat naturally. Harrison and I were so very in tune with each other.  He was a very easy baby~ happy and sweet and lots of fun almost all of the time. Didn't cry much at all. He was a great eater~ nursed when he was with me, easily took a bottle from B or my mom when I was at work. After he turned one, we took away his bottle, which I thought would be a nightmare.  It wasn't. As he got older he was eager to try new foods. He wasn't the best sleeper, 
but his dad was really good at getting him down for the night, so we made a good team.
He was my little buddy, and I thought I had this mom stuff down.

And then....he turned 3. :)
Admittedly, I was also pregnant with our second son, Hudson, at the time, so I was out of sorts, dealing with morning sickness, and I was extremely over-sensitive.  Eight years later, my family still talks about it...and shudders. ;) So for all I know, I'm to blame for the sudden surge in "know-it-all-ness" that suddenly possessed my usually-easy-oldest-born. Or maybe he was already launching into oldest child-mode before his little brother had even made his debut. Who knows?

All I did know was that I had most definitely met my match. ;)

Harrison (now 10) is happy, funny, super smart, kindhearted, and thoughtful.
We have a total blast together....we share a love for movies, television, music, and books, 
 and I still read to him every night.  Don't see that stopping anytime soon.
I often say he's the smarter, more-outgoing, male version of me.
Unfortunately, he also inherited the bossy side of me as well.  And the know-it-all stuff.  Maybe it's genetics.  Maybe it's birth order.  Maybe it's both. But the older he gets, the more I realize how hard it is sometimes to be a mom.  To try to correct the very things that you see in yourself and are trying to change. I thought it would be easier to parent the one(s) who were more like me.  I was wrong. Don't misunderstand me~ for every one thing that makes him difficult, there are 10 things that make him wonderful.  I worry that in my effort to correct the things I see in him that I also see in myself and want to change that I'm being too hard on him. So each day I try to focus on all the things he does so well....and gently remind him when he needs correction.  Celebrating all the things that make him my amazingly wonderful, incredibly loved firstborn son. Trusting that someday he will meet, fall in love with, and marry a girl who is the complete opposite of him, just like his dad and I are.
And then go on to become the dad of a little one just like him. ;)

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