Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Changes


I've been blogging for awhile. And like just about everything I decide to start, I'm usually one of the last who decides to jump on the bandwagon.  In 1995 when I was about to head off to college, I talked to a dear childhood friend named Kelly who was going to a different college. She told me that we could email to keep in touch.  My thoughts went like this, "Email? Yeah, that's never going to take off." I guess I was wrong. ;) I've had similar opinions about capri pants, flip flops, and texting.  And while I no longer wear capri pants because they make my short legs look even shorter, I've been way off base about the other things.  At the first hint of Spring you'll find me in flip flops. Texting?  Not sure how I made it without it, although I still prefer phone conversations.  Or even better? Real, live face time.  I didn't think this whole blogging thing would ever stick...at least as far as I was concerned.  I'm kind of a quitter....not in every way, thankfully, but in plenty of other, not-as-important ways.  I no longer make New Year's resolutions.  Life's hard enough without setting yourself up for failure. ;) I'm so ADD at times that I start projects that never get finished, start books I don't finish reading, start watching tv shows, then lose interest. I've given up Diet Cokes more times than I can count. I have yet to finish a Beth Moore Bible study, and absolutely not because I didn't like them.  I LOVED them, craved what I was learning, couldn't wait until the next week's lesson. So I can't even begin to tell you why I stopped. Every time. I probably need therapy. 
Not proud of myself.  At all. But I promise that when it comes to my relationship with God, I'm not a quitter. More on that later. :)
And when it comes to my family, I'm all in. Hard core. However, there are some nights when I spend way more time in the bathtub than a person probably should, recovering from a particularly exhausting day of raising three boys.  Pruney doesn't even begin to cover it. ;) But after a bath and a good night's sleep, I'm good to go, ready for another day of crazy. And laughs. And love. And chaos.  It's what we do. :)

I started blogging when our youngest, Hunter, was an infant. It took 3 kiddos to make me realize that I was indeed not Superwoman.  It took that 3rd one to humble me and make me see that I can't do it all.  At least not well. When he was born I was teaching scrapbooking classes at a store that I loved.  I was telling the ladies each week in my classes how important it was, and giving them all kinds of tips on how to stay current in their albums, all the while my boys' albums were sitting at home, collecting dust.  I know, I'm a hypocrite....but not on purpose. It was not because I didn't care or didn't want to scrapbook anymore....not at all.  I loved it then, I still do today.  But I found that keeping up with three scrapbooks each year was consuming way more time than I was willing to give up...at least to do it they way I wanted it done.

So.

I accepted the fact that I had entered a crazy-busy stage of life, knowing it wouldn't last forever. I was a minster's wife, a full-time mom, a part-time employee (huge shout out to those of you moms who are full-time employees...I really don't know how you do it.  And stay sane). We had a six year old, a two year old, and a newborn.  Scrapbooking had to take a  back seat, unless I wanted to knock out a few pages during Hunter's countless middle-of-the-night feedings.  
But I was too busy staring into the beautiful baby blues of my tiny man, 
marveling at his gorgeous chin dimple, and let's face it...sneaking in some zzz's.
I didn't want to be so consumed with recording our life that I didn't live it.
I also didn't want to be so busy living life that I didn't take the time to stop and record it.
Hmm. ;) 
A blog seemed like the perfect compromise.  
It would be a way to keep track of what was going on in our family so that I wouldn't forget 
both the big things and the little things.
 It became a way to share these boys with our family and friends...especially the ones who lived out of town.


 And when we found out we were moving to Georgia, I was even more thankful for this blog, knowing it would keep family and friends connected to what we were up to, hoping to help them (and us!)  feel that we weren't so far away.

Someday I will go back and do more work in their scrapbooks.
I will finish them, because it IS important.  
I long for them to have completed albums with my handwriting in them, full of their photos and stories.
I have set specific goals for myself...and someday it's going to be way quieter in my house and I will have more time.  But for today I'm going to live life.

 If you're still hanging in there with me, you deserve a prize. :) Thank you.
You may be wondering why I named this post "Changes."
I've been in a royal funk for the past several days.  Partly due to circumstances that I don't understand or feel comfortable talking about right now.  Partly due to the seriously gloomy weather we've had for the past 4 days. But mostly because I've been looking around and trying to figure out what exactly God wants me to be doing right now.  Feeling a little lost....more like I'm missing out on what He has called me to be here for right now. I think it's time to step out and make this blog more than the recording of our family's day-to-day stuff. Don't get me wrong...there will still be that. ;)

I want this blog to be a place where fellow moms can feel normal. Where honesty is not only welcome, but expected, without judgement. Let's face it...being a mom is hard.  Really hard.  It's soooo worth it, but it's hard. And that's okay.  I'm hoping that if we can gather together and be supportive, laugh at and relate to each others' craziness, then the world will be a happier, more manageable place to live.

God is challenging my heart....things are getting stirred up.  I have so much to share with you, things that I am still processing, but I need to stop for tonight.  Partly because this post is now ridiculously long.  And partly because I'm ready to get in bed and unwind with my DVR. ;)  Honesty, right?

I ask you to join me on this journey.  It will be fun. 
It will be real.
And hopefully, your hearts will be challenged like mine.
More to come....

6 comments:

  1. I'm in Jaclyn! Can't wait to see what's to come!!

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  2. what an inspiring post! can't wait to follow your journey :)

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  3. I know exactly what ya mean! He's stirring me up, too. And for what only He knows. Waiting with eager anticipation for the unveiling. He told me to give you John 10:10, so live it abundantly, Jac! Don't miss out on anything! ((hugs))

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  4. Wow! I can't wait to see what you're gonna say next. I agree in so many ways. I just started the whole movement where you pick one little word and focus on that for the year. Mine is present. As in being present. I sometimes distract myself with blogs, facebook, emails, texts....sometimes I feel llike I don't give my child my full attention.
    Can't wait to see what this REAL journey is gonna look like for you.

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  5. Jaclyn...I love it and also struggle with feeling lost sometimes. You are reaching people this way so press on girl! Excited to see where this takes you!

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  6. Speaking of big changes...just had a baby after 12 years of marriage, law school, and work. I feel a little lost too, like my whole identity has shifted. I've been wondering how I am meant to use the law degree that I worked so hard for, now that I have a little girl. I'm not anti-daycare, but I can't imagine someone else caring for her for the amount of time that most law jobs require--if I was going to have one of those jobs it should have been when I was 22 and childless! I'm curious to see where life takes me if and when I try to go back to working as a lawyer. I would like to be able to do it because I only worked a year after law school before Vivian, but right now it seems daunting. But she's only 7 weeks old...probably too soon to assess how things will be. It changes daily. Jaclyn is amazing for keeping up with 3 little guys!

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